Archive for the zin sins Part Two: False Hope Category

Chapter 28: Susan

Posted in zin sins Part Two: False Hope with tags on February 20, 2010 by zinsins

Like his late father, Bobby had  never let Susan talk him into anything.  He had refused her pleas for donations to Peruvian rebels in the Andes (by then Central American rebels had become passé), for ending incidental cetacean kills, to her friend’s feminist-oriented Girl Scout troop.  It wasn’t that he and Jeremy hadn’t believed in her cause for the week, Bobby simply feared that by giving to her he was giving in to her, showing a weakness that she would exploit for life.  As Tobie’s on-again/off-again girlfriend, Susan had been a fixture around the ranch for years, and both Bobby and Jeremy had secretly enjoyed having her about; she kept things interesting.  She was eight years Tobie’s senior, and at first Jeremy had hoped her age might help mature his youngest son, but he had long given up on that whimsy.

The last years of his life Jeremy had great fun telling of one of her run-ins with her ultimate nemesis, the automobile.  Her Mustang had died of thirst; she had driven it without water for days, with the red light on her dashboard a distraction, like a mosquito, to be dismissed with a wave of the hand.  Her father lent her his new BMW, his pride and joy.  Jeremy had been out front of Mount Vernon puttering around in the yard that long-ago Sunday morning.  Susan, who had spent the night at the Barnes with Tobie, came bolting from the front door in a rush; she had failed to tell her son’s sitter she’d be out all night.  She hopped into the expensive car and sped off down the drive.  Jeremy often said that he knew at that moment what would happen next.  He had installed a locked chain across the entrance the week before her flight.  It was a desperate measure done to repel the siege of tourists after the wine country periodical had published a detailed map pinpointing the famous Jeremy Barnes vineyard.

Susan flew through the obstruction, uprooting the four-foot posts connected to the chain that clung like braces to the teeth of the radiator grill.  Jeremy dropped his trowel and let out a great holler as the car disappeared from view.

The sound of the two posts pounding against the rear quarter panels of the 630i had no apparent impact on Susan’s mission, for if she made it to Healdsburg by ten she’d shave an hour off the sitter’s fee.  Finally, two miles from the ranch, Gilberto flagged down the obsessive Susan.

Gilberto had been on his way home from Mass and thought he had apprehended a fanatical tourist with a souvenir, a paranoid thought brought on by two incidents at the ranch earlier that year:  Gilberto had caught a tourist at the road cutting down a mature sauvignon blanc vine with a chain saw, and he had discovered early one morning a home winemaker and five accomplices up from Walnut Creek busily picking several rows of prime chardonnay vines.  Their feeble excuse – that they thought the vineyard had already been harvested – didn’t hold water; the fools were out there in early August.  The benevolent Jeremy had dropped the trespassing and felony theft charges against the perpetrators, but he asked the prosecution to go after them for violating a state statute prohibiting “attempted chaptalization” – adding sugar to the unripened grapes for fermentation, a minor misdemeanor under the alcoholic beverage code.

After Susan’s mishap, Jeremy had loaned her a rusted pick-up kept running only for inspecting the vineyards during the rainy season.  Susan had it stolen that evening in front of Healdsburg’s supermarket.  She had left the keys in it, running, while she went in to do her weekly shopping.  Her excuse was that she was afraid the battery might go dead.

Later as a joke, Jeremy had purchased an old civil defense siren from a surplus store in Oakland; it was during the time of his recovery from heart surgery, when he would relax outside on the porch swing.  He spotted Susan whipping into the drive in her rental car, and to warn of her approach he let go with the ear-piercing siren that Gilberto had secretly mounted on the rooftop the night before.  Jeremy had it dismantled after Gilberto lost half his pruning crew; they had mistaken it for a sneak attack by the Border Patrol.  It was one of Bobby’s favorite stories of his late father.

But Susan had finally made a request of Bobby that he couldn’t refuse.  She had asked him to escort her to an invitation-only party in Timberrrville, a little community out on The River that rapidly was becoming the hip suburb to the county’s growing metropolis of Santo Dinero, the amusing name tagged on Santa Rosa by some rural locals.  Susan had pulled out all the stops; she told Bobby it was his final chance to alter his fate as a social hermit.  Susan had flatly refused to take Tobie; Bobby was her stand-in, her way out, her escort faute de mieux.  Tobie had not been asked by her for the simple reason that The Insect would no doubt tag along and vomit in the corner of their hosts’ home before passing out.  It was one social blunder Susan wouldn’t commit.

The night of the party Bobby stumbled up the steps to Susan’s cabin on “The Mountain,” a hill of granite behind Healdsburg that caused The River to abruptly change its course.  Technically the hill was a dozen feet shy of being classified a true mountain by Rand-McNally, but that was the name tagged on it by the townsfolk.  Two years before Susan had persuaded her father to purchase the old summer home on The Mountain’s north slope – as an investment, of course.  Her father, an apple cannery owner in Gravenburg, readily agreed; it fell outside the ten-mile limit he’d imposed in the treaty agreed upon before she went fishing for her own home.

The winter after she moved into the cabin was called the Year of the Deluge by the locals.  Sixty-five inches of rain fell in five months.  Her home didn’t catch a ray of sunshine all winter in the canopy of the slope and the trees, and she swore that on the bathroom walls she could actually stand there and watch the mold grow.  It was no wonder to Bobby that now she spent so much time with Tobie in the warmth of the sunny deck of Daniel’s old place.  If it hadn’t been for the fight with Tobie that erupted over the party, no doubt Bobby wouldn’t have been standing on her porch cleaning his shoes covered with the mud of The Mountain.

“Hey, Little Ronny, where’s your momma?”

“She went to pick up the sitter.  If she doesn’t come back in, tell her the drugstore called.  They found her purse.”

“What’ve you been up to?”

“I didn’t have to go to school this week.”

“Were you sick?”

“No.  My daddy took me to a Mensa convention in Los Angeles.”

“Now what is it your daddy does?”

“He used to be vice president at Grandpa’s cannery.  Now he’s a parapsychologist.”

“That’s nice.  Was it fun – your trip?”

“Boring.  All I could do was sit in the hotel room or play computer games.  I don’t like computer games.  I’d rather play soccer or Scrabble.”

“Why didn’t you stay with your momma?”

“She said she was too busy to drive me to school in Gravenburg every day.  She’s been real busy with her job.”

“Busy with Tobie growing roses?”

“I dunno.”

Susan burst through the door in a rush trailed by a 15-year-old girl.  Susan had on a wildly striped miniskirt that appeared to be made from a T.G.I. Friday tablecloth; it was the first time in five months that Bobby had seen her in anything but jeans, a T-shirt and flak jacket.  He was impressed.  Ronny addressed his mother in a resigned tone.

“The drugstore called and said you left your purse.”

“Shit!  Oh, damn it!  I can’t believe it.  How could I do such a thing?”

Ronny looked at Bobby through his thick rimmed glasses and rolled his eyes.  Her diatribe continued.

“We’ll have to get the goddamn thing, Bobby.  I have to pay the fucking sitter.  Kimberly, this is Bobby.”

“Hi.”

“Hello.”

Susan turned to her son.  “Now you be a good boy for Mommy and don’t give Kimberly a bad time.”

“Yeah, okay.  When does Daddy get back from skiing?”

“Tomorrow night, baby, if the roads from Tahoe are open.”

“Can I walk down to The River tomorrow and watch the naked people?”

“Only if it’s nice like today.  And only if you promise not to throw rocks.  Really promise this time.  Those people enjoy their privacy.”

“Oh, okay.  I promise.”

Bobby ran right into it as he walked in front of Susan’s car.  He fell face down in the driveway of pine needles; the bumper had nearly ripped his kneecap off.  Susan sat in the passenger seat, combing her hair in the mirror of the visor, oblivious to his fall.  Bobby struggled to his feet.

“What in the hell happened to your bumper?”

“Nothing.  Come on, get in.  We’re late.”

“Turn on the headlights, Susan.”

In the beams of light Bobby saw half of the front bumper bent three feet straight out like the lance of a knight or the bill of a swordfish.  Susan stepped out of the car and marched up to inspect the damage.

“When did you do this?” Bobby inquired.

“God if I know.  I – I do remember hearing something when I pulled away from the drugstore.”

“I wonder what their car looks like.”

“Whose car?”

“Never mind.  Let’s take mine.”

“No, that’s okay, let’s just go.”

“I can’t drive this.  Halfway through an intersection I’d skewer a pedestrian.”

“Whatever, Bobby.  You’re making me late.”

Chapter 26: Guerneville

Posted in zin sins Part Two: False Hope with tags on February 16, 2010 by zinsins

 

Shaun loaded up a day pack with two loaves of French bread and a bottle of rare, old pinot noir from a winery not far from Guerneville.  Before the two hopped in their cars for the winding drive inland to the redwood park, Shaun told Bobby to stop in Guerneville so they could grab a block of cheese.  The town was nestled five miles downstream from the upland redwood grove.

When Bobby reached Guerneville and the small health food store tucked into part of the town’s commercial district, Shaun was emerging from the store.

“I didn’t know this was going to be a road rally to the redwoods.”

“I know that stretch of road like the back of my hand.  Ready to go?”

“I want to run in and get a mineral water.”

“Meet you at the park.  I’ll have everything ready.”

Bobby came out of the store, his bottle of mint-flavored geyser water in hand.  When he threw back his head to pour the cold, sparkling water down his throat, he saw one of Guerneville’s firefighters high up on the utility company’s cherry picker.  The fireman was carefully placing one of several dozen Christmas decorations on a light pole.  Bobby gazed at the little ceremony, then walked across the street to join a group of bystanders whose attention had been drawn to the rite.  At the base of the pole an elderly woman was placing a wooden sign naming the civic organization responsible for the decoration.  The decoration wasn’t one of those sets of red and white lighted plastic bells that adorn many of urban America’s main streets, for it was of nature, the top of a local fir tree that had been trimmed and decorated by a local group.  Bobby looked down the street at the other decorations.  The ornaments were clusters of wild holly berries, or small bells and stars shaped from tin foil, or red bows tied into interesting shapes.  Each decoration was different, each unique.

Bobby’s gaze was diverted by the singing of carolers down the street in front of the town’s bookstore.  It so contradicted Bobby’s conceptualization of this odd little town – carolers in Guerneville? – that he found himself drawn to the music like a magnet.  Bobby joined the multitude gathered to hear a band of twelve disciples from a local church sing what were for him the first Holiday carols of the season.

In the group of a dozen singers was what he believed to be the perfect cross-section of that crazy town.  There was the choral director, a woman in a rust-colored, double-knit pantsuit, who would have had white hair except that she dyed it red.  From her animated way of playing the guitar while she cajoled her group to belt out another verse, it seemed obvious to Bobby that she was the aging third-grade teacher at the Guerneville school.  He could be wrong.

In the choral group were the other slices of the Guerneville pie.  There was the young earthy woman in homemade clothes, with no make-up on and a cute baby in her stroller, representing many of the women who had created homes and families up in the surrounding isolated forest hills.  There was the short, white-haired grandmother, hair pulled back tightly in a bun held by a band of real holly berries, who reminded Bobby of a smaller version of his late grandmother.  There was the heavy-set Chicano woman in an authentic peasant dress who strummed along on her family-heirloom guitar.

And there was the rather ordinary middle-aged man with moustache, one of those big, bushy moustaches that so many men who have them hide behind, whom Bobby hypothesized was one of the many who escaped The City by being washed up on the shores of the town beach.  There were the two gays with the required close-cropped hair, obviously partners, who must have enjoyed church as youngsters when they grew up in a small town like Wally and The Beave’s, but who had fled to The City to avoid the fate of leading a double life – or half a life.  Then they discovered Guerneville with its pace so much slower than that of The City, and it became the substitute for the hometowns they had left.  The shorter of the two, the Jerry-Mathers look-alike, sang with an unmatched, uncapped effervescence, as if he hadn’t sung Christmas carols for some time.

Bobby turned and looked at the faces of the audience.  There were more canyon ladies, in town to make their sporadic forays for essential food items that they couldn’t grow up on the hills.  Their babies were held tight to their breasts in canvas papooses.  At their sides were their bearded and spectacled husbands, escaped physicists or some such, with their hands callous from chopping wood for their cast-iron stoves.

Bobby examined the people on the periphery of the crowd.  There was a portly red-faced man with a neat Van Dyke beard and in his grip were the handlebars of an ancient bright-red bicycle.  Far behind the man, alone, was an attractive woman leaning against an old VW, her chin resting on its discolored roof.  Unknown to Bobby, she was the woman who ran the herb and stationary shop out of the tiny house behind the hardware store.  She held her place well behind the rest of the audience, and on her face was the most distant smile Bobby had ever seen.  He wondered what was going through that mind:  Were they clear thoughts of childhood – as virgin as her clear, makeup-free complexion – or were they muddled as she tried to reason how those naïve childhood days of Christmas bliss could have faded into such obscure memories?  No matter what, she appeared to be on the verge of tears, causing Bobby to continue his secret study of her.

He wondered if she wished for a return to those simple days of adolescence when she would bake Christmas cookies with her mother as they listened to the Perry Como Singers harmonize on those same tunes.  Or was she sad because of all the unfortunate experiences that had occurred in the post-adolescent years, those years when the growing pains were almost unbearable, when life suddenly became so complicated as to be unthinkable, and how those events were like fallen trees now that blocked her from ever returning to the days when she was a happy, albeit naïve suburban child in LA or St.  Louis or wherever?  If only he could see into her mind and live just that fraction of her life that she was flashing before her eyes, then he would surely be able to cry with her, or hold her as she released those feelings that only she knew about.  But he knew that her sharing with him what she was reliving was not meant to be; he just couldn’t walk up to her and say, “Explain.”  So he removed his eyes from her and looked above the decorations and Main Street and up into the ever-present hills. 

It was a brisk, cool afternoon by then, and low, pink patches of fog were moving in from the west.  Sunset was still more than two hours off, yet the sun already had hidden itself behind a redwood-lined ridge of one of the hills that stood over Guerneville and made it such a reclusive, odd little speck on the earth.  As he walked back to his car, he tried to pigeon-hole the scene in his memory.  He momentarily stopped and turned for a final look at the carolers.  He was being serenaded with the song, “Oh Little Town of Bethlehem.”  He felt very warm inside.  And the thought occurred to him:  Living back here in The Valley on the ranch, first at Daniel’s place and now alone in Janie’s house, he had turned into something of a recluse.  He hadn’t had a television in his home since his move back, so he hadn’t seen the Budweiser beer wagon being pulled through the snow by Clydesdales once that holiday season.  Yet to him as he stood there on the sidewalk in Guerneville, it still felt – perhaps it had never felt – so much like Christmas.

Chapter 25: A Picnic by the Sea

Posted in zin sins Part Two: False Hope on February 11, 2010 by zinsins

Shaun packed their lunch in a wicker basket that Amelie had bought for just such an occasion.  Bobby brought in two cases of the new release of “Jeremy Barnes Vineyard” chardonnay produced by The Winery.  A bottle was iced down in a plastic bucket, the car was loaded, and they were off.

Ten minutes later, Shaun whipped his ancient convertible into a turn-out by the winding coastal road.  With Shaun leading, the three plunged into the dense forest of pine and occasional redwood.  The woods shrouded a steep ravine as it fell from the coast hills to the sea.  Two hundred yards down the creek bed they heard a rushing sound, not of the surf, but of a waterfall.  The canopy and brush parted, revealing a granite chute over which a small stream cascaded.  Thirty feet below, a quiet pool momentarily collected the water before sending it on its final rendezvous with the sea.  Beside the pond was a flat carpet of sun-drenched grass.  And providing an almost vertical backdrop to this idyllic setting was a steep, curved embankment covered with four-foot high ferns.

Amelie and Bobby knew immediately that this was Shaun’s chosen spot for their picnic.  They set up camp on a wool blanket spread on the damp grass.  From his vantage point, Bobby could look down the falling stream that again was covered by the converging trees.  But Bobby also could see a tiny opening in the trees above the stream, and through it the vivid blue and white of the moving surf.  Overhead, the sun blazed in a brilliant azure wash.  Already it had begun to take up its winter residence in the southern sky, and the light it radiated gave a warm, golden tint to the surroundings.

The first late-autumn storm of the season had blown through three days earlier, cleansing the ferns and combing the trees of their dead needles.  The bare patches of ground now held that rust-colored cover of needles, providing a natural complement to the lush green tones of the ferns and grass.  And the norther had left in its wake incredibly clear skies, strong surf, and a faint wind.  The breeze would rise intermittently and cause an eerie “swoosh” sound as it flowed through the needles of the overhead trees.  Every few minutes a redwood would sway in the wind, emitting a slow resonant creak, a sound akin to that made by opening the heavy door of an ancient crypt.  The sound wasn’t at all frightening to Bobby; instead he found it perversely soothing.

Bobby checked his breathing and realized that it was heavy.  He was subconsciously taking slow, deep breaths so the rich ocean air could linger in his lungs.  He turned his attention to the data being processed by his olfactory sense.  The virgin air was crisp and clean, having traveled across over the Northern Pacific before filtering through the spicy trees; it made him incredibly hungry.

Shaun took the sandwiches from the wicker basket and divided them.  Amelie removed the crystal glasses from their wrappings of table linen, and Bobby opened the bottle of wine.  Shaun had prepared turkey sandwiches for the three.  Inside of Amelie’s sourdough rolls were turkey breast, cream cheese and cranberry sauce.  And on their plates were French-fried sweet potatoes.  Bobby wasn’t sure if the setting or the sea air was responsible; but the ingredients blended together to make the simple meal into an incredible sensory experience.

“This sandwich is excellent.  It reminds me of Thanksgiving dinner,” Bobby commented.

Shaun raised his glass.  “Then we’ll toast to the memories of that first Thanksgiving dinner you and I spent together with your family years ago at your ranch.”

“To Thanksgiving.”

“And reunions.”

The three held up their glasses and the etched diamond pattern of the crystal stemware sparkled in the sun.  The warm fall sunrays made the chardonnay appear even more golden than it was.
Wonderful wine, Bobby.”

“It’s a special bottling from a small vineyard that the winemaker kept separate.  Extra oak-time and bottle-age before release.  It represents the last harvest of Jeremy Barnes.  It is special.”

“Yes, it should be.”

“Stan Bergen gave the unpressed juice six extra hours of skin-contact time because the fruit was in such good condition.  We began picking the vineyard – the one right behind the house – at five-thirty on an unusually cold morning.  When we dumped the gondolas at The Winery the juice was 48 degrees.  Even the smell from the crusher told us we had a great wine.”

Amelie had been quiet through the meal, but finally she volunteered her opinion.

“Bobby, what is so appealing about your wine is that it is such a perfect complement to food.  It is rich, yet crisp.  The taste is so intense that to take a sip clears – awakens – my palate.  The wine makes each bite of food taste as if it were the first.”

Bobby looked at Amelie for a long moment before he replied.  “That’s one of the best descriptions I’ve ever heard for my father’s wine.”

Amelie blushed and looked away.

Shaun stood up, ending the awkward moment.  “What do you say we all hike down to the beach for a bit?  And on such a perfect, warm day I vote on making the trek au natural.”

Before Bobby could respond, Shaun had begun undressing.  And despite her verbal shyness, Amelie quickly followed Shaun’s cue.  Wearing only their shoes and socks, the three trudged down aong the tiny creek bed, having stashed their clothes near the pool.  Halfway down, the pines made their final stand against the forces of the wind and sea.  The creek opened upon a stark ravine separating two grass-covered knolls, both dotted with grazing sheep.

Shaun stopped suddenly and, mimicking the guide of an Audubon bird watch, signaled for his companions to carefully approach.  He was crouched over a small pile of excrement obviously left by the nearby sheep.  He pointed at several tiny orange objects protruding from the sides of the mass.

“Do you know what these are?”  Shaun asked as he plucked out three of them and held one out for Bobby.

“Um – orange-flavored truffles?”

“Close.  They’re psilocybin mushrooms.  Magic mushrooms.  They pop out of sheep shit a few days after a rain.”

“How do you know they’re not poisonous?”

“I knew someone in Guerneville with a picture book about them.  He was a ‘collector’ and told me what exactly to look for in the perfect ‘shroom.  Try one.”

Shaun popped one in his mouth and gave one to Bobby.

“Are you sure about this?” Bobby asked.  “What will they do?”

“One little one will only cause a mild sensation.  An increased awareness.  Any effects will wear off before we leave.  Trust me.”

Bobby put the tiny cap in his mouth and swallowed.  The taste was horrible.

“Amelie?”

“Perhaps one of us should refrain, Shaun.  That way I could call the Coast Guard and they could send out the big helicopter to save you two.”

“Amelie, trust me.”

She held the mushroom to her lips and flashed a pleading look to Bobby.  He hoped she knew Juliet’s death speech in case this became a very poignant moment.  Stoically, she put it in her mouth.

The three adventurers clambered down several large boulders and found themselves on the beach.  Only a small trickle dug a shallow canal through the sand to meet the surging salt water; most of the stream fled underground for a private reunion with the sea.

Shaun had begun walking up the beach to search for abalone and sea anemones in a protected cover hidden behind a solitary land mass – a flat-topped, steep-cliffed peninsula connected to the headlands by a narrow land bridge.  Amelie had paused and bent down to watch the slender stream race down the beach.  Bobby approached and knelt beside her.

“Bobby, do you comprehend the significance of this little scene?’

“And what’s that?”

“We are watching the fulfillment of the life of every raindrop, the realized potential of every stream and river.  We are seeing the moment of procreation for the major ingredient of our planet.”

“Yes, it’s beautiful.  You certainly have an excellent command of the language.”

“My mother was an American.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“That she’s deceased.”

“She’s not.  She revoked her citizenship.”

“Were you raised in America?”

“No.  France.”

“How did you come here?”

“I came over to work.  I married and stayed.”

“Here on the coast?”

“No, in New Orleans.”

“And then you came here?”

“Yes.”

From the inflection in her voice, Bobby could tell he was approaching too close.  He rose and began to walk in the direction of Shaun.  Amelie stood and scurried up so that she could walk beside him.  Together they combed the beach for shells, pausing to examine driftwood and sand dollars and the blooms of the succulent plants clinging to the cliffs buttressing the narrow beach.

Eventually Amelie drifted away from him, and the three were each in their own little world.  Shaun was far ahead in the protected inlet created by the sea butte rising out of the ocean thirty yards off shore.  The short walk and the sea air had tired Bobby and he found a dry patch of sand on a wind-whipped berm.  He sat down and assumed a cross-legged position facing the surf.  Amelie had spotted a flat granite rock jutting out of the sheltered, complacent water only a few yards from the shore.  She stepped out through the chilly water and climbed atop it.  She lay prone, gathering the warmth of the sun.

Bobby closed his eyes and for the first time perceived the effects of the orange mushroom.  Listening to his surroundings, he concentrated his hearing on a small spring gurgling out of the cliff at his back.  He focused forward to the sound of the water splashing around the protected rock on which Amelie sat, then still further out to the roar of the omnipresent surf.  Manipulating his mind without moving his body, he changed the plane of focus from horizontal to vertical, as a studio photographer would by tilting forward the lens plate of a view camera.  First he focused at ground level and listened to the buzz of the sand flies in the clumps of kelp and sea grass strewn at his feet.  At head high, he could hear the light breeze whip past him, the sound reminiscent of the flapping of an unsheeted jib.  At thirty feet above sea level he heard the piercing cry of an osprey and the roar of the surf as it was carried by gusts over the cliff.  At infinity, directly above his head, he heard the faint rumble of what must have been a silver speck, a distant jet as it began its descent into The City.

How odd, he thought, to be able to choose what I want to hear.  To be able to focus on a sound, examine it, turn it around in my mind.  A piece of fungi growing in sheep shit can do all that?

Bobby opened his eyes.  Directly in his field of view was Amelie lying on her rock intently watching a tiny sea animal in a pool carved into the rock’s base.  Her pose reminded him of the fairy in Stars, a Maxfield Parish poster.  The late-fall sun backlit her body, creating a halo – a golden radiation around her.  For the first time he appraised her in her nakedness.  She had a stunning figure.  He had no idea how old she was.  She was one of those rare women who are ageless between the years of 20 and 35.  She wasn’t what he would call thin, but she was firm, athletic.  Her healthy tan told Bobby she sun-bathed nude at her home that was behind the first ridge, sheltered from the summer fog.

Bobby was beginning to realize the beauty of what lay before him.  Two hues dominated the scene.  The azure sky with brush strokes of high cirrus blended into the deeper blues of the North Pacific.  Contrasting the backdrop were the intruding earth tones:  the dark brown of the rock, the deep tan shades of Amelie, the golden reflection of her skin exposed to the sun.  The colors were intense, almost gaudy.

He felt the scene could not be improved upon, that he beheld perfection, but then his eyes darted left to observe a flock of a dozen brown pelicans lumbering into view.  They flew in a perfect “V” formation behind Amelie, further out to sea.  From his view they were between her and the brush-stroked clouds.  Just as Bobby composed himself to record this moment, as the pelicans approached above and to the left of Amelie, a mischievous wave hit the base of her rock and sent a white plume – a fan – of spray into the air, a translucent sheet behind her.

“Click,” he whispered, and he quickly shut his eyes.  It took a minute to develop and fix in his mind the image he had projected on his mental picture screen.  It was, he thought, an award-winning photograph that he alone could savor and never have taken from him.

After what seemed an eternity Bobby felt a shadow pass by.  He opened his eyes to see Shaun looking down at him, the sun blazing around his silhouette.

“Hey, guru, let’s go explore.”

“What?”

“Let’s go climb up the cliff of that island and see what’s on la mesa.”

“How do we get out there?”

“We’ll hug the beach out and find a trail up the cliff.”

“And if the tide comes in?”

“We can walk back over that land bridge.”

Bobby pulled out of his trance and followed Shaun.

“Amelie!  Come hike out to the island with us!”

“No, go ahead you two.  I’ll meet you on top of the headland in a bit.”

Bobby contemplated their little adventure.  The island was a plug of granite that rose high above the surf thirty yards from the shore.  It wasn’t a true island, for a narrow column of clay connected it with the mainland.  The eroding land bridge rose fifty feet above the rock-strewn beach that was exposed only at low tide, and the tide was out as Bobby and Shaun hiked over to examine what in a few more seasons of winter storms would be a completely isolated island.  Shaun found a narrow path leading upward, and after a strenuous climb the two were on the flat parcel of earth sixty feet above the sea.  They were amazed at the amount of bird life on the budding refuge.  Dozens of oystercatchers and cormorants and petrels had built nests in crags of rock or in the low bushes on its flat top.  Bobby found an empty nest on the ground and studied it until two birds appeared, creating an intense commotion.

“Bobby, we ought to be getting back soon.  Amelie has to bake the pastry shells for tomorrow and we still have the real hike on our agenda.”

Bobby looked across the land bridge to Amelie, who had climbed up from the beach onto the mainland cliff.

“Are we going to have to climb all the way back down and up again?”

“No.  We’ll take the land bridge over since she’s already up there.”

“Are you sure we can cross that?  It looks pretty narrow.”

“I was out here last spring and saw some hikers crossing it with backpacks.  We can make it.  Trust me.”

Shaun led the way.  The land bridge was an eroding umbilical cord between the receding mother cliff and the defiant child island.  The cord was nothing more than a ridge – a long, pinnacle-like band of soft dirt that, with a few more tempestuous assaults, would crumble and wash away.  Shaun crawled a dozen feet down the island cliff to begin the walk across the path.  Bobby followed.  Shaun stepped lightly and quickly over the roller-coaster, foot-wide path – a thirty-yard trek between the outpost and the safety of the waiting Amelie.  Bobby hurried to keep up with Shaun, who was intent on making the crossing as quickly as possible.  Bobby riveted his attention on the tennis shoes of Shaun, for he felt no desire to see the boulders scattered on the beach fifty feet below; he had never been completely comfortable with heights.  Bobby, who at first was relieved that he had on his hiking boots, realized that this precipice was more for a mountain goat – or a 150-pound man in tennis shoes – than himself.  Bobby also noticed that what he thought was an optical illusion – that the path maintained its width, it only appeared to converge in the distance – was not true; it really was becoming narrower.

Shaun had begun to slow his pace and be more careful in placing his feet.  He turned his head slightly, and without taking his eyes off the path, spoke from the side of his mouth. 

“This isn’t quite what I expected, Lewis.”

Bobby took his cue.  “Right you are, Clark.”

The inverted “V” on which they trod was not made of granite or sandstone as were the island and cliff.  It was made of crumbling clay and bits of rock that had withstood the forces of erosion only because of the protection offered by the sheltering island.  Bobby had begun to notice that chunks of dirt on the edge of the eight-inch path beneath them were giving way and dropping out of sight down the almost vertical bank of the ridge.  Bobby lifted his eyes momentarily and saw Amelie watching them from the cliff twenty yards ahead.  Her expression he caught in that instant was not so much one of disdain at their attempting this foolish escapade, but of resignation; boys will be boys.

Shaun quickened his pace, apparently realizing that to dwell at a particular spot on the path was dangerous, for the sustained weight on the weakened clay-dirt soaked in the rains earlier that week could cause a sudden landslide.

Bobby felt a minor tremor under his feet and looked ahead to see the patch of ground under Shaun shift.  Shaun paused in a moment of disorientation.  Realizing his predicament, he bound like a gazelle the final half-dozen yards to the safety of the opposite cliff.  In his wild flight, Shaun had begun to veer to his left.  Only his forward momentum and the nearness of the cliff kept him from plunging down its face to the rocks below.

Bobby had paused when Shaun faltered under the landslide, and suddenly he felt the earth at his feet begin to let go.  Bobby leapt face forward onto the spine of rock and clay and dug his hands into the dirt, his face pressing against its back.  He was riding the cliff as a child would ride an old nag bareback.   He looked up and over to Shaun and Amelie, both kneeling in the asylum of the cliff twenty feet away.

“Come on!  Move it, Bobby!  Before it gives way!”

“Hurry!  Please hurry!” Amelie pleaded.

Bobby began to inch forward; it was impossible to turn around and flee back to the island.  He put his hands forward and placed his weight upon them and dragged his body over the dirt and rock.  He gave a second’s though to his situation.  Here was Bobby Barnes, a grown person in charge of one of the best vineyards in the world, dragging his exposed genitals across a pinnacle of sharp stones and dirt clods.  He wondered how he got himself into these situations.  A small, involuntary laugh escaped as he continued to pull ahead.  Shaun and Amelie glanced at each other in wonder.

Ten feet from the open arms of Amelie and Shaun, Bobby felt his support crumble and give way.  He could feel his feet seem to come together beneath him where the dirt had eroded and fallen away.  In slow motion, as chunks of rock slipped away, Bobby began to sink.  He looked up at the two, their arms outstretched, on their faces the look of useless non-swimmers watching a child drown in the surf.  In that moment he felt a pang of guilt for upsetting Amelie and Shaun, for ruining their day.  In a perverse attempt to cheer them up he raised an arm bronco-rider style and let out a half-hearted “yee-ha!” – an interesting response for a man in the throes of death, but not original; Slim Pickens had used the line when he rode the A-Bomb down in Dr. Strangelove.

As chunks of earth fell away under one cheek of his ass and then the other, Bobby leaned from side to side to keep from being thrown off his natural saddle.  Eight feet down and a ton of fallen dirt later Bobby’s ride stopped.  He now appeared as a naked baby on an outrageously sway-backed Trojan horse.  He looked up to the two and smiled.  Amelie was hysterical.

“Shaun!  Aidez-le!  Sauvez-le!  Il se meurte!”

“Bobby, don’t move!  I’m going to run back to the car and flag down someone with a rope and call the Sheriff.  The Coast Guard!  They can get you off there in their helicopter.”

Shaun began to step back from the cliff.  In a determined voice Bobby answered, “No!  Shit no!  Stay here.  I’m either going to be on that cliff or on the beach by the time you get half-way there.  Just get ready to grab me if I make it up.”

Shaun knelt down.  Bobby went to work digging steps in the perpendicular wall on which he sat.  Intermittent small slides caused him to pause in his digging.  He was able to push and punch against parts of the weakened dirt, sending it careening off the ridge, making him wonder how he ever made it that far in the first place.  Slowly he raised himself up on his man-made steps, dragging his naked scrotum up and over the narrow blocks of ground.  Bobby wondered if he’d be charged with self-abuse if he made it out off this alive.

Soon he was only six feet out and three feet down from his companions.  He could almost reach up and touch Shaun’s outstretched hand.  He continued to dig his crude steps until his fingernails hit a large rock mortared into the dirt.

“Shaun, I’m going to try and put a foot on this rock and make a leap for it.  I’ll grab your hand.  You pull me up as hard as you can.  Got it?”

“Yes.  Be careful.”

Shaun had Amelie anchor his legs by sitting on them.  Bobby made his final preparations.

“Are we ready?”

“Yes.”

Bobby quickly knelt up, planted a foot on the rock, grabbed Shaun’s hand and pushed off of his primitive step.  The dirt at his feet gave way, but for an instant provided the support needed for him to spring up off the stone.  With Herculean strength, Shaun catapulted Bobby over his shoulder – into the open arms of Amelie.  She hugged him as a mother would her child, his dirty face at her naked breast, her soft hand stroking his disheveled hair.

“You little boy.  You stupid little boy.”

The import of his predicament began to sink in.  Bobby held her tightly and hoped never to let go.

 “Why did you do it?”  She said, including Shaun in her scolding.  “You fools.  Did you have to prove you were men?”

Bobby pulled away from Amelie and stood up.  His legs wobbled beneath him.

“Are you alright?” she asked.

“I think so.  I, I only followed Shaun because he said we could make it.  I always trust him.  Why not now?”

Bobby took stock of his body.  He was covered with gray dirt.  He looked down and noticed dozens of bright-red superficial cuts and scratches on his penis and scrotum and inner thighs.

“I’ve failed in my attempt at self-mutilation.”

“You’re sick, Bobby,” Shaun mumbled.

“If you two will excuse me, I believe I’ll perform the ancient ritual of those who have battled and conquered the elements.  I’m going to go over there and take a piss into the wind off that cliff.”

Bobby hobbled off over a slight rise to find the privacy to relieve himself.  Amelie continued to scold her friend.

“Why did you take such a silly risk?  You could have been killed.”

“I don’t know,” Shaun said in a bewildered voice.  “It didn’t seem dangerous at first and then we couldn’t turn back.  I’m sorry I did it.”

Amelie accepted his apology by changing the subject.

“Shaun, have you ever seen one so close to death, yet so calm as him?  He – he was laughing and joking when he began to slide down.  If what I saw was bravery or heroic resignation, then it is all so stupid.  A waste.”

“I don’t think what we saw was bravery, Shaun replied, pausing as Bobby returned.

Bobby strolled toward them.  His body was still grimy from the ordeal but his attitude had changed to one of nonchalance, as if it never had happened.

“I have an idea.  Let’s celebrate the joy of living by holding hands and running through this meadow.  It’ll be a good way to release some of the stress.”

Amelie took Bobby’s suggestion and grabbed her children in each hand.  The three ran across the green oceanside pasture, scattering the puzzled sheep in their path.  Amelie sang her babies a French children’s song until they reached the place where their little stream emerged from the trees for its final sprint to the sea.

They were a short distance from the pond when Shaun raised his hand and crouched down.

“What is it?”

“I hear someone up at our camp.  Our clothes are up there.  Stay quiet and keep down.”

The three crept along the stream toward the clearing.  Amelie acted as if she were a member of the Hmong Hill tribe on the hunt for a rabid tiger.  Bobby acted as if he felt very naked.

Shaun hugged the bank and stopped in the safety of tall ferns at the edge of the pool.  He pulled back on a giant frond.  The intruders were three deer:  a six-point buck and two does.  The does fed on the grass while the buck kept watch.

The ferns, the deer, and the falls together made the scene appear prehistoric, pre-man.  The three were speechless.  They remained motionless for a long time.  Bobby glanced at Amelie and noticed a single tear sliding slowly down her cheek.  From their perspective below looking up toward the glen, the image was reminiscent of a Minor White photograph.  But from up in the trees looking down on both the deer and the human spies, the sight was comical.  For there were the three people, naked but for their shoes and socks, observing the deer from their hiding place behind the ferns.  The deer, unaware of their visitors, continued their picnic on the lush grass just a few feet from the blanket and wicker basket.  The picture was a cartoon – if  it had been painted by Courbet.

Slowly the deer wandered off up the fern bank.  The humans invaded the glen bathing briefly in the pond before they put on their encumbrances and broke camp.  No one said a word.  The sight had such a lasting impression on the three that the incident at the cliff seemed to be a day-old memory.

By the time they arrived at the car after their climb upstream, the fog bank that lingered offshore had crept close enough to send its white fingers inland over the coastal road.

At the end of their drive back Shaun performed his patented skid in the gravel drive of the café.  They piled out and trudged inside for hot coffee.  From the same window he had peered out at the sea earlier that day, Bobby gazed at a gray blanket of fog rolling up over the cliff and into the garden.  Amelie’s children, glowing in the muted light, appeared so different, yet still as beautiful as ever.  Shaun brought each of them an espresso and revealed his plan for the rest of the day.

“Are you still up to a trek in the redwoods?  With this fog rolling in it will be an unbelievable sunset up there.  Amelie?”

“I’d love to, Shaun, but I have so much to do for tomorrow.  You two go ahead.”

“Bobby?”

“If you promise it won’t be a exciting as our last Great Adventure, I suppose I’m up to it.  I get out this way so little.  I always forget how beautiful it is.”

“I remember something an old beachcomber told me a couple of months ago:  To live fifty miles from the ocean is to live a thousand.  I suppose there’s something to that.”

“You bet there is.  Let’s go.”

Chapter 24: Amelie

Posted in zin sins Part Two: False Hope with tags on January 31, 2010 by zinsins

Finally Bobby rumbled into the tiny parking lot of the Pereguin Post Office, exhausted.  The Pereguin Café, sharing the same roof with the post office and grocery store, was located in back.  When Shaun had first described the location of his new restaurant over the phone, Bobby had expressed concern.  But at the opening-day festivities a little more than a year before, Bobby had seen why Shaun had snatched up the tiny, weathered-wood building.  The back wall – what was now the restaurant’s wall of windows – stood twenty feet from a steep cliff that fell straight to the sea.  The windows opened upon a cove of granite boulders jutting up out of the surf.  Shaun’s restaurant was L-shaped.  In the bottom leg a cluster of six tables looked out upon a small courtyard and the sea beyond, and also into the other leg, the kitchen, which was open and an integral part of the café’s ambience.  In a fit of selfishness, Shaun also had put large-pained windows down the wall of the kitchen.  The life-giving sea could provide the chef with the inspiration needed to make a superb dish, or so Shaun had written tongue-in-cheek in his cafe’s brochures.

Bobby parked his car in the gravel lot and trudged to the picket gate of the entrance.  His nostrils were immediately overwhelmed by the honey-like scent of sweet alyssum growing around the gate.  There was a serried bed of flowers in the garden that rounded the corner into the courtyard.  Bobby thought that it must be the maritime climate that allowed them to bloom so late in the fall.  He tiptoed on the stepping stones past the plantings of orange rudbeckia, deep purple asters, and brown and maroon chrysanthemums.  The courtyard was even more spectacular than the entry way.   Each grouping of flowers complemented its neighbors, and each was in full, wondrous bloom.

Bobby turned his head slightly and focused upon the lithe body of a woman wrapped in a shiny burgundy Danskin.  The woman was on her knees and had a wooden-handled trowel in her hand.  She was so busy turning a tiny patch of dirt that she had not heard his approach.  Bobby hesitated to speak so that he could dwell on her image.  Surrounded by bright cape daisies and calendula and lace-like cosmos was the most beautiful woman.  Yet it was the scent of the flowers, each vying for notice in his mind, but all blending together as one into an incredibly unique perfume, that turned it into such a sensual moment.

The moment savored, Bobby resumed his approach.  His model looked up in a startled state and then smiled as if she recognized him.

“Yes?”

“I’m Bobby Barnes – a friend of Shaun’s.  You must be Amelie.”

“Yes.  I’ve heard him talk of you.  What brings you to the coast this morning?”

Her heavy French accent, the soft morning light, the garden and the pounding surf made Bobby hesitate momentarily.  He felt as if he were in a dream – or a Truffaut film.

“Shaun called yesterday and said he’d like me to come out and visit.  So I thought I’d drive out and spend the day with him.”

“Is Smash over?”

“Smash?”

“Your grape smash?”

“You mean Crush?”

“Yes.  I’m – I’m sorry.  Well you take Shaun and you two get away from here.  Even on his day off he comes here and fiddle-faddles around.  He needs a rest, too, Bobby.”

“I’m sure.  How’s the café?”

“Very busy.  But with the rains, it will begin to quiet down.”

Bobby knelt down beside Amelie in the hope that if he were closer to her he would feel some of the warmth she radiated.  He looked into her garden.

“Amelie, this is breathtaking.  Is it yours?”

  “Yes.  These are my babies.”

“They’re gorgeous.”

“Thank you, Bobby.”

“How do you find time to garden and bake and do everything else?”

“I arrive an hour early each morning.  This soil is so rich and the weather is so perfect that I don’t garden.  I simply conduct.  Each plant knows how to play its own little instrument.  Mostly all I do is take away the snails.  They are so bad here – and big.  Escargot!  Do you know what I do with them?”

“What?”

“I gather up a handful at a time and I walk to the cliff and turn my back and throw them over my shoulder – into the sea.  That way I don’t have to watch them die.  I pretend they are lemmings.”

“That’s cruel.”

“But they ruin my garden!”

“I’m just joking with you, Amelie.”

“I still feel bad about doing that.  I’ll eat snails, but I can’t crush them and watch them die.  Strange, isn’t it?”

Bobby heard the high-strung whine of a Porsche pass by and the sliding crunch of gravel under the locked brakes of the car.  He stood and looked down upon her.

“That must be Shaun,” he said, “I’m sure I’ll see you later.”

“That’s him.  Nice meeting you, Bobby.”

He stepped through the garden and met Shaun at the fence.  They embraced over the picket gate and spoke.

“Good to see you, Shaun.”

“Well, aren’t you looking good.  You’ve lost weight, Bobby.” 

“I’m running like a madman.  I’ve got my first marathon in three months.

“Good for you.  Come in and I’ll make us some coffee.”

They entered the tiny café and Shaun pointed to a table.  Bobby sat down and looked around the room.  It appeared so small even with the half-dozen tables empty.  Bobby looked out the picture windows.  He realized why Shaun had pointed at that particular table; it had the best view.  And today that view was special because there was a beautiful woman in the midst of the sun-drenched garden curtained by a deep blue sea and sky.  This has to be heaven, Bobby thought to himself.

“What kind?’

“What?”

Au lait?  Espresso?  Cappuccino?”

Cafe au lait.

Bobby looked into the kitchen.  On a stand next to the teakwood wine rack was an elaborate brass and copper Italian coffee machine that must have cost a fortune.  His host brought over two cups and sat down.

“So how goes it, Shaun?”

“No complaints.  We had an excellent summer.  We were booked two weeks in advance in August and September.  Excellent reviews in a couple of Bay-area magazines.  I’m happy.”

“Good.  Can you make it with just six tables?  Can you turn them often enough?”

“Bobby, I thought you knew our concept.  We have two seatings, six-thirty and nine.”

“I remember.  I just wasn’t sure you were still doing that now that you’re so successful.”

“We have to because I only prepare two entrees per night.  The patrons proceed as a whole through the meal.  That way Amelie and I can prepare the food and serve them ourselves.”

“Still just you two?”

“Yes.”

“How is your partnership with her working out?  She came here after the opening, after the last time I was in.”

“She’s wonderful.  Excellent.  She’s a jewel that I found and I covet.  She’s also one of the best pastry chefs I’ve ever worked with.”

“How did you meet her?

“She walked into my café one day and talked to me.”

“Do you know much about her?”

“Some.”

“I noticed she answered the phone when I called back.  You live together?”

“We share a house.  I burned out on the commute from Guerneville about the same time she appeared, so we combined our resources and bought a place nearby.  She’s the perfect homemate.  What a joy to wake up to – I shouldn’t say that.  Most of the time she’s left for here to start baking – and gardening — hours before I’m even up.

“Is she attached?”

“You mean, ‘Does she have a lover?’”

“Yes, that’s what I mean.”

“A boyfriend?”

“Yes, Shaun.”

“No, she doesn’t.”

“A – a girlfriend?”

“No.  I don’t think she likes men, Bobby, and she doesn’t like women, either.  Look at her out there.  She oozes sensuality from every pore, yet I’m afraid she’s . . . asexual.”

“Why?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Tell me.”

“I’m her confidant.  She’s mine.  We lean on each other a lot.”

“You can tell me.”

“If I did, I wouldn’t be her confidant, I’d be her publicist.”

Bobby knew when not to press Shaun, so he dropped the line of questioning and silently gazed into the garden.

“So how’s life on the ranch?” Shaun asked.

“Busy.  But now with Crush over I’m going to take it easy for a week.  I’ve got a party in Timberrrville tomorrow night and lunch with Janie the next day.”

“That sounds fun.  How is your mother?”

“She’s fine.  Her bed-and-breakfast inn is doing a land-office business.  It’s the showcase of Healdsburg.  She’s really proud of it.”

“I’ve got to get over and see it.”

“Do so.  She gives tours at ten, two and four.”

“Ha!  Does she enjoy living in the city?  If you can call Healdsburg that.”

“I think so.  She’s closer to most of her friends.  Her garden club holds their meetings at The Inn.  Have I told you she made a youth hostel out of the small guest house in back of The Inn?”

“No.”

“She thought of the idea when she read an article about hostels in Burgundy.  She rents out each of four rooms and a kitchenette for five dollars a night.”

“Is that safe?  It seems like the price would attract some skuzzy types.”

“She requires them to have a passport and citizenship of a foreign country, and they have to call a day in advance to reserve a room.”

“That’s a wonderful idea.  What a special person she is.  And she’s so strong.”

“I think all the work she has put into that inn has been therapy.  A way to get her mind off of the ranch and Jeremy.  And it keeps her in contact with the human race.  She’d have gone crazy if she had stayed out there.”

“Does she come visit you at the ranch?  You’re living in their – what was their — house now, aren’t you?”

“I’m there.  She took most of her antiques to use in the inn, so the place is empty.  I have a maid stay over one day a week, but that’s all of us.   The entire upstairs is closed off except for when I have guests.  You know how big the place is – you were the one who named it ‘Mount Vernon.’”

“Tobie’s not living with you?”

“Tobie?  You mean Tobie, my business partner?  No.  He took over Daniel’s place once I moved out.  It’s like a commune up on the ridge.  I call them the Gang of Four:  Tobie, Susan, The Insect and Tobie’s three-legged dog.  To answer your question about Janie:  She comes out for coffee or to visit, but she never stays there.”

“I don’t blame her.  I still can’t get over how strong she is.  Bobby, this is the first time since Jeremy’s death that we’ve been alone together to talk – did they ever decide what happened?  Was it an accident?”

“No, they decided it was negligence – at least the hospital’s lawyers did.  You didn’t read about it in the papers?  Janie’s lawyers settled out of court with the hospital for three million dollars.”

“My God!”

“The hospital should be relieved.  A jury might have given her twice that after deliberating five minutes.  You know that was the highest settlement ever awarded in this county in a malpractice case.”

“That’s an incredible amount of money.”

“Jeremy’s name was worth a lot to the ranch.  His presence was worth even more.  We had an excellent attorney from The City.  He knew how to use California law.  But all that money doesn’t bring Jeremy back.”

“What exactly did happen?”

“Bitter irony was what it was.  Jeremy had been terrified all those years – since The Old Man had died – about his own heart.  His attack and the bypass didn’t exactly allay his fears.”

“I would think not.”

“He had fallen off a tractor about six weeks before his death.    Tore his ligaments and cartilage.  He went into his operation thinking it would be a breeze – his knee is pretty far away from his heart.  And the operation went well – until he needed a transfusion in post-op.  The nurse must have been in another world, because the guy gave him the wrong type of blood.  And fate was cruel enough to have Janie in the room during all of that.  My mother hopelessly stood there as that errant pouch of blood entered Jeremy and poisoned him.  By the time Jeremy began to scream in pain and Janie ran for the nurse, it was too late.”

“Poor Janie.  Poor, poor Janie.”

“Can you imagine the guilt she’s put herself through?  She watched that fluid trickle into his arm.”

Shaun stood up and paced over to the coffee machine to refill their cups.  He was careful to keep his back to Bobby, who was intently watching a pelican lumber through a trough of a distant swell.   Bobby rambled on.

“Shaun, I remember seeing an article in the paper on the day after he died.  It was about a duck in LA that had its beak torn off by a coyote.  A team of surgeons replaced the beak with an orange plastic prosthesis.  The operation was filmed for showing on one of those awful Incredible People shows.  We can do that, yet why couldn’t we give my father the right type of blood?”

“That’s a three-million dollar question, Bobby.”

The morose turn in their conversation was interrupted by Amelie, who had come in to find a sparkling water to quench her thirst.  Bobby followed her movements through the room.

“So what are we going to do today, Shaun?” he asked.

“I thought the three of us would go up the coast a couple of miles and have lunch at a little spot I found.  It’s on a creek that isn’t a stone’s throw from the surf.  I know the sheep rancher who owns the land and I have the okay from him.  Then we’ll drive back here and drop off Amelie, and you and I can go hiking up in Salmon Creek Reserve and catch the sunset.  Did you bring your hiking boots?

“Got ‘em on.  Can you believe it?  We’re going to hike together for the first time since college.”

“But no Great Smoky Mountains this time.”

Chapter 23: The Coast

Posted in zin sins Part Two: False Hope with tags , on January 28, 2010 by zinsins

 

That’s what Bobby thought about most when he went to the coast – the drive.  The trek, despite its beauty, always had held the stigma in his mind of being a test of endurance.  It was a stigma developed in childhood.

His mother had not seen the coast since Bobby was eleven.  He remembered Janie’s – their – last trip vividly.  Jeremy was driving the family out in his new Cadillac convertible to hunt for abalone at low tide.  A perfect Sunday outing.  But when the family had rounded the hundredth-odd curve and finally beheld the first glimpse of the Pacific, little Tobie, unable to contain his car sickness any longer, threw up in a “world-class” heave on the back of his father’s head.  This immediately set off a chain reaction among the other queasy passengers in Jeremy’s rocking boat.  Jeremy deftly pulled over at a scenic turnoff, and the entire family returned their smoked-salmon sandwiches to the sea.  The barnacle that refused to pry off that whale of a memory in Bobby’s mind was the drive back, and how he had dreaded it on the beach that long-ago afternoon.

His father took mercy on the motley crew and had driven at a snail’s pace on the long trip home.  Bobby remembered the immense logging truck tailgating his father, who had no place to pull over on the narrow, winding road to let the logger pass.  The impatient trucker finally swung around Jeremy on a long, blind curve.  Bobby remembered his father’s reaction:  Jeremy went totally berserk.  He pulled up behind the trucker and honked and flashed his lights.  Realizing the insignificance of those actions on the giant rig, Jeremy sped alongside the truck, came up off his seat and, in the open air of the convertible with three terrified, screaming children and his wife beside him, proceeded to shout and gesture at the driver in the worst language Bobby had ever heard.  Bobby remembered it being the first time he had ever seen his father openly hostile or angry.

The logger had apparently heard of vehicular manslaughter because he complacently observed Jeremy’s diatribe and slowed, and the family survived the ordeal.  But on that day Bobby and Daniel christened Jeremy’s Caddy The Titanic, and the Sunday outing was forever referred to as “Voyage of the Damned.”

Bobby found the ride so different on his trip to see Shaun.  It really was a beautiful drive.  The route wandered through The Valley toward the coastal highlands.  The view for the first fifteen miles was spectacular.  The vineyards fanned out in neat rows before the rising sun.  The large plain — the last true valley before The River veered to the west into the redwood-covered hills — held 75-year-old plantings of zinfandel and obscure Italian grapes.  An early morning fog hung over The River in the distance.  It looked like a suspended cotton snake winding its way through the vines.

Bobby passed the ranches – not true working ranches, more retirement estates – owned by the former stars of Perry Mason, M*A*S*H, and My Three Sons.  Bobby wondered what involuntary reflex caused him to rubberneck when he passed by, and if he’d pay the same attention to the hideaways of the inventor of the micro-chip, the modem or the ah-so.

The vines abruptly gave way to a grand entrance of redwoods rising from hills eroded by the anxious river.  Day versus night.  The canopy of tall trees darkened the sky, the temperature dropped a half-dozen degrees, and the air smelled of evergreen spice.  It was the distant outpost to Shaun’s fortress by the sea.

The road curved tightly beside The River, hop scotching over it when the steep banks fell straight to the water.  At times the forest would open upon a small clearing and the size and density of the tree-covered hills could be seen.  Ten miles into the redwoods, Bobby approached the only stop sign on the road that linked his valley to the ocean.  It stood in the middle of the town of Guerneville.

Guerneville and Bobby’s valley were located in the same county, but he thought they could just as soon have been on different planets with as much as the two had in common.  Guerneville was a tiny town tucked in the coastal redwoods that had suffered from exploitation and identity crises since its inception.  It had prospered at the turn of the century on what was a new principle of the lumber companies:  “Conquer, then divide.”  The lumber concerns had pillaged the area of almost all its best first-growth redwoods – trees up to 300 feet high – before the appetite for lumber in The City drove them northward.  The lumber companies then sold the ravaged land in small parcels as vacation-home lots to the upper middle class of San Francisco.  Guerneville’s popularity as a summer retreat grew – until the Era of Mobility arrived in the 1950s.  The freeway and the airplane made the area’s charm pale to that of other areas that were only a half-day’s ride (or flight) away.  Guerneville wasn’t in the same league with Lake Tahoe or Yosemite or Hawaii.  So the paint began to peel and fade.

In the late-‘60s the walls began to crumble.  The area became a cheap place to hang out for bikers and flower children.  And crime skyrocketed.  Anything went, anytime.  Formerly pleasant subdivisions were renamed with titles like “Heroin Hill.”  A decade later the burgeoning gay community in The City discovered the quaint spot hidden in the redwoods where tolerance was king and non-conformity, queen.  Although the town that Bobby drove through was still mostly Keasy-generation hangers-on, the place had gained a reputation as being the Fire Island of California, the West Coast gay Mecca.

Bobby thought that superficially, Guerneville seemed like any other small north coast lumber town.  The new residents were pumping some needed money into refurbishing much of Guerneville’s dilapidated downtown.  But even a quick recognizance turned up the incongruities:  An old man with Rip Van Winkle beard sitting in a doorway playing the accordion to his audience – a pair of arthritic Dalmatians; a “Poodle Lines” vacation charter bus unloading a platoon of close-cropped young recruits at a local gay resort; a middle-aged hitchhiker wearing her pink-tinted granny glasses, gauze dress, and on her legs what resembled designer ace bandages.

Just as soon as Bobby had begun to play deluxe highway bingo with the unique characters, he was out of town and again into the redwoods that cloaked the fleeing river.

Eventually the canopy gave way once more, the road flattened out, and the forest opened upon the grass-covered headlands.  The River was a wide aquamarine expanse, and hundreds of sheep stood motionless in the gently rolling fields at its banks.  The air took on the crisp, salty bite of the sea.  At last the tidelands came into view, and the white-streaked rock at the mouth of The River rose up in the mist.

The journey seemed to be over – Shaun’s café was only fifteen miles north of The River’s mouth, but those fifteen miles were a stretch of climbing, curving road that at one point hugged a high cliff more than 1,400 feet above the surf-line.  From the scenic outlook above the cliff, on a clear night the lighthouses in the two adjoining counties could be seen, a distance from point to point of 80 miles.

Chapter 22: Shaun

Posted in zin sins Part Two: False Hope with tags on January 27, 2010 by zinsins

 

Part Two:  False Hope

The following year:

It was an unexpected phone call.  Whenever Bobby talked to Shaun he felt a strange twinge of guilt for not having kept in closer contact with him.  Shaun lived on the coast, only 40 miles away as the crow flies, although the winding road that followed The River to the sea made it a trek that took almost three hours.

When he heard the news two years before, Bobby was pleased to learn that his former college roommate was moving to California.  Bobby in chamber-of-commerce fashion had encouraged Shaun to make the move after hearing of his decision to leave Tennessee.

Shaun had come home with Bobby the Thanksgiving of their freshman year at Vanderbilt and Shaun had fallen in love with San Francisco during the holiday.  He vowed to Bobby at the time that someday he would live there.  Now Shaun did, almost, for he had found his own bit of heaven on the rugged windswept coastline 75 miles north of The City.

Bobby had met Shaun their first day in college.  He had been late in arriving at the dormitory, having stayed at the ranch until the last moment to help Jeremy and Daniel prepare for Crush.  Shaun was Bobby’s pot-luck roommate, and Bobby had thought his fellow resident was the stereotypical Tennessee native.  Shaun was from a tiny town in eastern Tennessee, and with a single utterance from his lips, it was apparent he was Rural South.  Bobby at first thought Shaun’s father was a coal miner or sharecropper because Shaun was so thin – almost emaciated.

Only on closer inspection at dinner that first distressful college evening did Bobby realize the complexity behind Shaun’s Huck Finn appearance.  Shaun was tall – at least six-two – and attractive, yet his gangling movements and thatch of sun-bleached hair gave him the disposition of a boy not yet comfortable with his adult shell.  But Bobby knew that a year or two in college would melt that outward impression.

Behind Shaun’s piercing blue eyes Bobby had found an intent mind and subtle wit, both tempered by the overriding trait of compassion.  And it soon became apparent that Shaun was the more worldly of the two.  His father was the banker and principal landowner in their little county in the southeastern corner of the state.  And Shaun, not the California rancher’s son, was the one to have spent his summers in New York with an uncle, a well-known artist living in SoHo.  Despite the Southern drawl, which slowly had disappeared in the seven years since they first met, it was Shaun who had spoken to Bobby of the mysterious East, of life in the Big Apple, of the Theater and the Arts.  Shaun was the one who seemed to be the exchange student from another country.

After their first year in college, the two decided to live together in an off-campus apartment.  Bobby had met Carin by this time and fallen wildly in love with her.  So had Shaun, and Carin and Shaun became close friends.  The three of them were for all purposes roommates Bobby’s second year, with Carin spending most nights at their apartment and storing more clothes there than Bobby and Shaun combined.  The three went to plays and movies and dinner together.  If Bobby had to study, the other two would hit the town without him.  Shaun and Carin were so close that they were roommates that summer when Bobby had gone back to work at the ranch.  It was fine with Bobby, although Carin had to hide the arrangement from her parents.

One night that summer, as the fall term approached, Carin called Bobby to tell him that he needed to find a new roommate when he returned; Shaun was moving out.  Bobby was in shock.  Carin explained that Shaun had found a new roommate, and that Shaun’s relationship with that person – with “him” – was to be more than just friends.  Bobby wasn’t shocked anymore.  He had finally “discovered” what he had long “suspected,” and that Shaun until then had not “admitted,” even to himself.  Shaun was gay.  The news would have had no effect on the trio’s friendship.  Unfortunately, the first real relationship in Shaun’s life didn’t last long, and two months into the fall semester Shaun was living alone in a tiny efficiency.

Bobby and Carin both thought they were the losers in Shaun’s moving out because they dearly missed Shaun’s constant company, and they could no longer be tasters in his cooking experiments, for he was quite the budding chef.  Where he found the time to fit in the hours needed to learn the skill was a mystery, although Bobby knew Shaun’s mother had passed down her considerable talent to her son.  Shaun had found time between his endless activities – an internship for the local office of a Tennessee congressman, an assistant editorship of the student newspaper, second-chair cellist in the university symphony – to work two weekends per month in a local French restaurant under the chef.  His hectic schedule made Carin once laughingly ask Shaun if he was trying to be a role-model for gays.  Shaun was not the least bit amused by her comment, saying he had no desire to be either stereotyped or “packaged.”

After his first year in graduate school at Columbia, Shaun was sent on scholarship to the American University of Paris to study public affairs.  While there he was able to work his way into a part-time apprenticeship to a renowned chef of Cuisine Nouveau.  Upon returning and eventually completing his thesis, Shaun squirreled away his diplomas and moved himself and his belongings to San Francisco; the move coming only a short time after the death of his uncle, who had left behind a considerable nest egg to his favorite nephew.  Shaun quickly tired of the wild scene in The City and located and purchased a tiny dilapidated café in the middle of several dozen lodges and inns scattered on the isolated coastline forty miles west of The Valley.  Shaun’s tiny restaurant catered exclusively to the tourists who stayed in the rustic inns nearby, and to the few artist-types who made their homes in the clumps of sea dwellings of that picturesque coastal area.

Despite their collective past, and that Shaun and Bobby lived in the same county, the two had seen each other only three times since Shaun moved to the coast.  Bobby tried to rationalize the infrequency of their visits.  First, they were both so busy with their new respective careers.  Bobby had been inundated since he had taken over full responsibility of the ranch.  And Shaun’s restaurant continued to be a magnificent critical success.  Second, Shaun and Bobby each had their own circle of friends.  And finally, there was the drive.

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