Archive for February, 2010

Chapter 28: Susan

Posted in zin sins Part Two: False Hope with tags on February 20, 2010 by zinsins

Like his late father, Bobby had  never let Susan talk him into anything.  He had refused her pleas for donations to Peruvian rebels in the Andes (by then Central American rebels had become passé), for ending incidental cetacean kills, to her friend’s feminist-oriented Girl Scout troop.  It wasn’t that he and Jeremy hadn’t believed in her cause for the week, Bobby simply feared that by giving to her he was giving in to her, showing a weakness that she would exploit for life.  As Tobie’s on-again/off-again girlfriend, Susan had been a fixture around the ranch for years, and both Bobby and Jeremy had secretly enjoyed having her about; she kept things interesting.  She was eight years Tobie’s senior, and at first Jeremy had hoped her age might help mature his youngest son, but he had long given up on that whimsy.

The last years of his life Jeremy had great fun telling of one of her run-ins with her ultimate nemesis, the automobile.  Her Mustang had died of thirst; she had driven it without water for days, with the red light on her dashboard a distraction, like a mosquito, to be dismissed with a wave of the hand.  Her father lent her his new BMW, his pride and joy.  Jeremy had been out front of Mount Vernon puttering around in the yard that long-ago Sunday morning.  Susan, who had spent the night at the Barnes with Tobie, came bolting from the front door in a rush; she had failed to tell her son’s sitter she’d be out all night.  She hopped into the expensive car and sped off down the drive.  Jeremy often said that he knew at that moment what would happen next.  He had installed a locked chain across the entrance the week before her flight.  It was a desperate measure done to repel the siege of tourists after the wine country periodical had published a detailed map pinpointing the famous Jeremy Barnes vineyard.

Susan flew through the obstruction, uprooting the four-foot posts connected to the chain that clung like braces to the teeth of the radiator grill.  Jeremy dropped his trowel and let out a great holler as the car disappeared from view.

The sound of the two posts pounding against the rear quarter panels of the 630i had no apparent impact on Susan’s mission, for if she made it to Healdsburg by ten she’d shave an hour off the sitter’s fee.  Finally, two miles from the ranch, Gilberto flagged down the obsessive Susan.

Gilberto had been on his way home from Mass and thought he had apprehended a fanatical tourist with a souvenir, a paranoid thought brought on by two incidents at the ranch earlier that year:  Gilberto had caught a tourist at the road cutting down a mature sauvignon blanc vine with a chain saw, and he had discovered early one morning a home winemaker and five accomplices up from Walnut Creek busily picking several rows of prime chardonnay vines.  Their feeble excuse – that they thought the vineyard had already been harvested – didn’t hold water; the fools were out there in early August.  The benevolent Jeremy had dropped the trespassing and felony theft charges against the perpetrators, but he asked the prosecution to go after them for violating a state statute prohibiting “attempted chaptalization” – adding sugar to the unripened grapes for fermentation, a minor misdemeanor under the alcoholic beverage code.

After Susan’s mishap, Jeremy had loaned her a rusted pick-up kept running only for inspecting the vineyards during the rainy season.  Susan had it stolen that evening in front of Healdsburg’s supermarket.  She had left the keys in it, running, while she went in to do her weekly shopping.  Her excuse was that she was afraid the battery might go dead.

Later as a joke, Jeremy had purchased an old civil defense siren from a surplus store in Oakland; it was during the time of his recovery from heart surgery, when he would relax outside on the porch swing.  He spotted Susan whipping into the drive in her rental car, and to warn of her approach he let go with the ear-piercing siren that Gilberto had secretly mounted on the rooftop the night before.  Jeremy had it dismantled after Gilberto lost half his pruning crew; they had mistaken it for a sneak attack by the Border Patrol.  It was one of Bobby’s favorite stories of his late father.

But Susan had finally made a request of Bobby that he couldn’t refuse.  She had asked him to escort her to an invitation-only party in Timberrrville, a little community out on The River that rapidly was becoming the hip suburb to the county’s growing metropolis of Santo Dinero, the amusing name tagged on Santa Rosa by some rural locals.  Susan had pulled out all the stops; she told Bobby it was his final chance to alter his fate as a social hermit.  Susan had flatly refused to take Tobie; Bobby was her stand-in, her way out, her escort faute de mieux.  Tobie had not been asked by her for the simple reason that The Insect would no doubt tag along and vomit in the corner of their hosts’ home before passing out.  It was one social blunder Susan wouldn’t commit.

The night of the party Bobby stumbled up the steps to Susan’s cabin on “The Mountain,” a hill of granite behind Healdsburg that caused The River to abruptly change its course.  Technically the hill was a dozen feet shy of being classified a true mountain by Rand-McNally, but that was the name tagged on it by the townsfolk.  Two years before Susan had persuaded her father to purchase the old summer home on The Mountain’s north slope – as an investment, of course.  Her father, an apple cannery owner in Gravenburg, readily agreed; it fell outside the ten-mile limit he’d imposed in the treaty agreed upon before she went fishing for her own home.

The winter after she moved into the cabin was called the Year of the Deluge by the locals.  Sixty-five inches of rain fell in five months.  Her home didn’t catch a ray of sunshine all winter in the canopy of the slope and the trees, and she swore that on the bathroom walls she could actually stand there and watch the mold grow.  It was no wonder to Bobby that now she spent so much time with Tobie in the warmth of the sunny deck of Daniel’s old place.  If it hadn’t been for the fight with Tobie that erupted over the party, no doubt Bobby wouldn’t have been standing on her porch cleaning his shoes covered with the mud of The Mountain.

“Hey, Little Ronny, where’s your momma?”

“She went to pick up the sitter.  If she doesn’t come back in, tell her the drugstore called.  They found her purse.”

“What’ve you been up to?”

“I didn’t have to go to school this week.”

“Were you sick?”

“No.  My daddy took me to a Mensa convention in Los Angeles.”

“Now what is it your daddy does?”

“He used to be vice president at Grandpa’s cannery.  Now he’s a parapsychologist.”

“That’s nice.  Was it fun – your trip?”

“Boring.  All I could do was sit in the hotel room or play computer games.  I don’t like computer games.  I’d rather play soccer or Scrabble.”

“Why didn’t you stay with your momma?”

“She said she was too busy to drive me to school in Gravenburg every day.  She’s been real busy with her job.”

“Busy with Tobie growing roses?”

“I dunno.”

Susan burst through the door in a rush trailed by a 15-year-old girl.  Susan had on a wildly striped miniskirt that appeared to be made from a T.G.I. Friday tablecloth; it was the first time in five months that Bobby had seen her in anything but jeans, a T-shirt and flak jacket.  He was impressed.  Ronny addressed his mother in a resigned tone.

“The drugstore called and said you left your purse.”

“Shit!  Oh, damn it!  I can’t believe it.  How could I do such a thing?”

Ronny looked at Bobby through his thick rimmed glasses and rolled his eyes.  Her diatribe continued.

“We’ll have to get the goddamn thing, Bobby.  I have to pay the fucking sitter.  Kimberly, this is Bobby.”

“Hi.”

“Hello.”

Susan turned to her son.  “Now you be a good boy for Mommy and don’t give Kimberly a bad time.”

“Yeah, okay.  When does Daddy get back from skiing?”

“Tomorrow night, baby, if the roads from Tahoe are open.”

“Can I walk down to The River tomorrow and watch the naked people?”

“Only if it’s nice like today.  And only if you promise not to throw rocks.  Really promise this time.  Those people enjoy their privacy.”

“Oh, okay.  I promise.”

Bobby ran right into it as he walked in front of Susan’s car.  He fell face down in the driveway of pine needles; the bumper had nearly ripped his kneecap off.  Susan sat in the passenger seat, combing her hair in the mirror of the visor, oblivious to his fall.  Bobby struggled to his feet.

“What in the hell happened to your bumper?”

“Nothing.  Come on, get in.  We’re late.”

“Turn on the headlights, Susan.”

In the beams of light Bobby saw half of the front bumper bent three feet straight out like the lance of a knight or the bill of a swordfish.  Susan stepped out of the car and marched up to inspect the damage.

“When did you do this?” Bobby inquired.

“God if I know.  I – I do remember hearing something when I pulled away from the drugstore.”

“I wonder what their car looks like.”

“Whose car?”

“Never mind.  Let’s take mine.”

“No, that’s okay, let’s just go.”

“I can’t drive this.  Halfway through an intersection I’d skewer a pedestrian.”

“Whatever, Bobby.  You’re making me late.”

Chapter 27: Highland Sunset

Posted in 1 on February 19, 2010 by zinsins

“Where have you been?  Get lost?”

“I was distracted by Christmas festivities.”

“In Guerneville?  Whatever you say.”

Shaun hopped off the hood of his Porsche and grabbed the daypack, and the two friends walked through the entrance into the park.

“We could drive through here and to a pond about halfway up, but it’s free to walk in.  Besides, I don’t think anyone can experience the redwoods encased in plastic and glass.”

Because of the recent rains and it being the off-season, the redwood grove was pristine.  Rust-colored needles covered the black-top road that wound through the majestic trees.  Bobby felt as if they were the first two humans to ever have stepped into the gulch of first-growth, thirty-story trees.  Well into the ravine, under the darkening canopy, the two came upon a monstrous tree that had fallen during the recent storm.  The length of the tree raced back into the distance across the gulch and up into the brush covering the opposite bank.  The felled giant had taken out several smaller redwoods in a final act of strength.  In falling it had blocked the road, but the rangers, working like wood ants, had cut a swath in the seven-foot diameter trunk to open access to the remainder of the park.  As they passed through the opening, they paused to examine the concentric rings of the tree.  Through their rough calculations, they determined that the tree had sprung from the earth during the fading moments of the Roman Empire.  Bobby felt a sudden sadness as he looked at the majestic being.  He felt an embarrassment – as if he were an insensitive tourist gawking at a beached, bloated whale.

Soon they were through the park and into the preserve, a protected watershed area above the grove.  They scooted off the road onto a climbing, switchback trail, which shot them up several hundred feet to a higher trail hugging the ridge of the blue-green forest of trees.  As they rose up the path, Bobby turned and looked down on the stand of the modern dinosaurs of the plant world, surely dinosaurs if the lumber companies continued to destroy the first and even second growth stands and replace them with their genetically engineered seedlings of other evergreen species that grew faster and turned a quicker profit.  As they ascended into the preserve, the forest gave way to more of a chaparral country, with the hills covered in isolated stands of madrone, manzanita and brush oak, and, on the northern slope, an occasional redwood.

After a steep and trying climb, Shaun led Bobby to a promontory with a panoramic view of the county.  Shaun dropped the daypack beside a lichen-covered boulder and sat down beside it.  These were to be their seats for the evening’s sunset.

Bobby absorbed the scene before him.  To his left and below was what he assumed was the stream bed, the lowest and darkest band of trees winding through the carpeted hills.  And suddenly rising out of the bed was the preserve of first-growth redwoods, giants even from his vantage point high above them.  The creek bed curved through the meadow and into a hamlet, what surely was Guerneville.  From a distance it appeared so peaceful nestled in the trees and hills, yet he remembered what a strange little spot it was.  Behind Guerneville, The River could be made out.  Not the water, only the broad expanse between the closer and further ridges that were separated by a finger-like bank of white fog drifting in from the coast.  The fingers of fog spilled over the low hills and around a bluff that in defiance held out for sunlight with but a few of its ridge top trees protruding, silhouetted, above the swirling mist.  The encroaching fog could be traced back to the wide bank that earlier had invaded the coast and driven them inland that afternoon.  Bobby looked stage right, far to the north.  On the horizon a bright white anvil of a distant storm rose in the azure sky.  Behind him, in the farthest balcony of this natural theater was the extinct volcano to the east, and hiding at its base were the foothills that gave way to The Valley – his home.

Ahead, center stage, the meadows they looked upon were covered in dry, tan grass and scarred by outcroppings of exposed rock.  Only a few clumps of trees hugged the protective slopes of the steep hills.  Bobby found it hard to believe that just those few miles – those few miles away from the cool fog moving up The River – could make such a difference in the microclimate.

Shaun pulled the cork on the pinot noir and poured two glasses as he spoke.  “This is supposed to be some wine.”

“I’ve heard it is.  I know the owners of the winery, Shaun.  They said it comes from thirty-year-old vines growing on a non-irrigated slope near The River.  I think that’s the key, this pinot noir comes from mature vines.”

“You don’t grow any pinot noir, do you?”

“Hell, no.  Jeremy was too lucky for that.”

“Lucky?”

“For some time now, American wine writers have been writing an annual column about how bad California pinot noirs are.”

“Why?”

“Mob hysteria.  It may take a quarter of a century, Shaun, but I believe someday California pinot noir will get their due,” Bobby added.  He turned to look at a ground squirrel a few yards away.

“Bobby, do you ever talk to Carin?  Have things ever gotten any better?”

“No.”

“Do you want to know if I have?”

“Have what?”

“Talked to her.”

“No.  Not really.”

“Okay.”

Bobby wanted Shaun to talk, but not about that.  Bobby focused on Guerneville, about to be invaded by a white tentacle of fog.

“Shaun, what did you think of living in Guerneville?  Wasn’t it strange?”

“For the six months I was there, Bobby, it was fascinating.  Like stepping back a decade – two decades — and seeing what it was like when we were kids.  That town has some of the most unique, iconoclastic individuals in the world.  It’s a marketing surveyor’s nightmare.  I’ve got stories, have I got stories.”

“Tell me one.  I can’t think of anything I’d rather hear than one of your yarns.”

Bobby remembered the long tales that Shaun wove on their hikes in the Smoky Mountains.  Shaun had inherited the trait of yarn-spinning from his Tennessee grandfather, and he could ramble on in a fascinating way about even the most mundane subject.  Bobby had always found the stories to be soothing, like the smell of pine needles or the crackle of a campfire on the beach.

“Have I told you about Albert the Fishmonger?”

“No.  Let’s hear it.”

“When I first moved to Guerneville, I found a place on The River outside of town.  It was a dilapidated, turn-of-the-century summer home built into the side of a steep hill.  Beautiful place.  I had a dozen hundred-foot redwoods in my yard.  I had to climb fifty-four steps to my front door.  The landlord was a dry waller in The City who’d bought the place as a refuge for the coming nuclear war.  It definitely was a fixer-upper.

“I’d head into Guerneville for groceries once a week.  The town only has one big supermarket, but I always bought my fish from Gladys’ Sea-Fresh Seafood stand.  The stand was nothing more than a small, one-room portable building with a collapsible awning that opened up to protect the customers from winter rain while they bought their fish.

“I called it Al’s, because Al sold me the fresh fish they brought over the fifteen miles from the little fishing village by the bay.  It really wasn’t Al’s place, because Gladys was the owner.  I’d rather have bought my fish from Al, though, because he was so much friendlier.  Gladys was grouchy, and I always had the feeling that she put her thumb on the scale when she weighed out my red snapper.

“So I always tried to drop by when I saw Al’s bicycle parked out front.  Al had one of those ancient Schwinns.  Had those big fenders and a large sheet-metal tube between the handlebars and seat that had all the utility of old Cadillac fins.  But his bike had a new red paint job, and the headlight still worked.

“Al was a short, stocky man in his late 40’s or early 50’s, I’d guess.  He had an intense look on his face, and a well-trimmed beard and stout build.  His face was dark and had these shiny red splotches – they were noticeable but not disgusting – that I only saw when he was excited or working hard.  In a way, he reminded me of Luciano Pavoratti, except that Al had a squeaky voice with a Brooklyn accent.  I still have this amusing image in my mind that I conjured up of Al – closing his fish shop and peddling through the redwoods on his ancient red bike, all the while booming out Nadir’s aria from Bizet’s opera, The Pearl Fishers.

“Al was a good fish salesman because he was opinionated about which fish were good that day, and because he told me what it was like to work on a fishing boat in the ocean.  Al’s biggest problem in life, besides not working on a boat anymore, was Gladys.  He could talk for hours about what a crab she was, or about the gaff he had to take from her and how it had driven him to the brink.  Yet I never saw him look crosswise at her when she was around.

“Al was the perfect shopkeeper.  Even when I moved away from here out to the restaurant, whenever I was near Guerneville I’d always stop in to see him and buy something from him.  I even made it a point to give him a bottle of wine – your wine – at Christmas.  But there was one thing that bothered me about Al that I only noticed after I’d been to his fish stand many times.  When he gave me my fish one day, I noticed his hands were covered in warts.  Not outrageously, but I’m sure there were twenty or so on each hand if I had tried to count them.  It didn’t bother me too much because I didn’t think I could catch warts from the fish he gut or the crab he boiled.  But one thing was for certain, Bobby – “

“What?”

“I never bought frog legs from Al.”

Bobby opened one eye and looked at Shaun sipping his wine.

“I think I saw your friend Al listening to the carolers this afternoon.  Fat guy with a short beard holding onto an old red bicycle.”

“I’m afraid not.  Al was killed in an accident a couple of months ago.”

“No, you can’t be serious.  This man I saw fit your description perfectly.”

“Al was run over on his bicycle about a block from the fish stand.  It was a big story in the local papers – a hit and run.  A lot of people, including myself, were extremely upset.”

“I swear I saw him today.”

“An imposter.”

Bobby felt the hairs on his neck rise up.  He closed his eyes and tried to take in the warmth of the last rays of the declining sun.

“You know we’ve been through a lot together, Bobby.  The formative years.  The fun years.  Remember when you and Carin came to see me in Paris that summer?  What wonderful memories.  What was the name of that Champagne house we visited in Rheims?”

“Pommary.”

“Do you remember that day?”

“How could I forget?”

“Your father had that man, Mr. Bergen, from The Winery write a letter of introduction for us so we’d be given the grand tour.  And we went down into those catacombs – or chalk caves or whatever – filled with mile upon mile of bottles in those racks.”

Pupitres.”

“Yes.  And while we were talking to the guide Carin backed up and tripped and knocked one over.”

“How could I forget?  It was so embarrassing.”

“Do you remember the sound?  It was like a glacier falling into the sea.  It echoed off the walls for an eternity.  And those two Frenchmen – “

“The little one with the moustache screaming at her in French.  She’d only broken a couple cases of wine.”

“And she cried until we left.”

“How about the time she cooked that fancy dinner at our apartment?”

“Oh God, yes.  She’d planned that meal out for a week.  I’d volunteered to help her, Bobby, but she wanted to go it alone.  She’d forgotten to soak the eggplant in salt water and it was incredibly bitter.  Then she made those French-fried mushrooms – “

“A disaster.”

“ – and she was using one of my large plastic spatulas.  When she pulled it out of the boiling oil only half the handle was left!”

“Remember the black smoke that came out of that pan?”

“My spatula was melted on the ceiling!”

“The smoke alarm went off and she bolted from the kitchen –“

“And we ended up taking her out for Chinese food.”

“And the night she put the pizza in the oven and went to bed.”

“And the potatoes!”   Shaun shouted with a laugh.

“You came home from class and the fire department was there.”

“Waiting for one of us to come home.  They’d kicked the door in with axes in hand.  Can you imagine?  They rushed out with those three little burnt potatoes and foamed them down!”

“Three pieces of charcoal on a potato skewer.”

“And the smell!”

“She wasn’t much with a frying pan, Shaun, but she was wicked with a pen.”

“Yes, she really is a talented writer.”

“Shaun, did I ever tell you the story of why she quit her sorority a week after she had pledged?  It happened before we knew her.  It all was such a big secret back then.”

“No, I want to hear.”

“She had pledged one of the more exclusive sororities at Vanderbilt, one with a really good bloodline.  Their sorority house was one of those southern mansions that makes Mount Vernon look like the servants’ quarters.  You’d remember it.  At the first meeting all the pledges were to walk down the big winding staircase in the foyer to meet the members down below.  Carin caught her heel on a loop in the carpet and tumbled half the length of the stairway to a sprawl at their feet.

“My God, was the hurt?”

“She sprained her ankle.  They had to carry her to the student hospital.  She was too embarrassed to go back.  She depledged.  That woman had a lot of pride.”

“Poor Carin.”

“God, how I loved her.”

“So did I.  Bobby, I’m sorry she came up.  She was taboo.”

“That’s alright.  We can only talk about the fun times.”

The two let the conversation fade in the hushed silence before the evening’s performance began.  For the second time that day the tiny congregation, minus Amelie, performed their sacrament.  Bread was broken, the wine poured, and the sacrifice made to the God responsible for the pastoral scene.

Bobby looked to the brilliant orb of light on the horizon as it passed behind a patch of high wispy cirrus that he knew was many miles out to sea.  At his feet were the dried wild oats that covered the knoll and upland meadow before them.  A deep orange tinge ringed the tops of the golden grain silently nodding in a light breeze.  Between the dried sprouts and the sky were the tree-covered hills rolling away toward the sea.  The dark verdant peaks in the foreground gave way to the successfully distant ridges, each higher and lighter and more lavender than the one before, until a final ridge, jagged with the silhouettes of a few lone trees on its precipice, gave way to the blazing stage for nature’s grand finale.  Bobby’s eyes met the sun, blazing at him in a ball of explosive fury.  As the sun met the horizon the circle became an octagon, and finally it took the strange shape of a glowing mushroom.  It appeared to increase its size and intensity in that instant before it was snuffed out by the sea.

All was quiet but for the faint flapping of a lone turkey vulture overhead.  No sound came from the silent screen before them, yet if the event, the sunset, could have made a noise, Bobby thought it would have been a loud, glorious trumpeting.  Finally the last ray disappeared from view.

Suddenly there was a brilliant green flash.  Bobby opened his lips to speak, but he couldn’t bear to intrude on the scene.  He wondered if he had really seen it.   A gust of wind blew past, causing the shoots of wild grain to nod rhythmically.

With the curtain closed, Bobby finally looked away from the stage and gazed down upon what had been tiny Guerneville, now covered in a down-like blanket of fog.  Shaun spoke.

“Do you know what is the most wonderful thing of all?  Not that we were able to witness such a thing, but that we’ve been given the ability to appreciate it.”  With his statement made he poured the last few drops of wine, including the grains of sediment onto the ground.  “We’d better be getting back.”

Bobby and Shaun policed their camp, placing all the appurtenances of the good life back into Shaun’s day pack.  They began the anticlimactic trek down from the mount, both quietly reflecting on the spectacle they had just seen.  When they reached the grove of towering redwoods, only a faint glow filtered through the enormous trees.  As they walked over the path of dead needles, they saw the redwoods rise from the roadside, ominous black pillars disappearing into a canopy overhead.  Bobby realized why the Native Americans of the area had called it The Forbidden Place.

Shaun stammered with an inaudible word or two, and from his tone and actions, Bobby knew immediately that Shaun was about to talk about something he had put off until it could wait no longer.

“Bobby, there was a reason I called you yesterday, besides wanting to see you – to have you come out for a visit.  There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Yes?”

“In truth, it’s probably nothing that concerns you, but I still felt you should know, should be aware.”

“What?  Tell me.”

“I have this friend.  A very close friend, who’s a regular of the bar scene in Guerneville.  To the point:  My friend met a man, a tourist, or so he though, at a pot-luck held at the resort in Guerneville last week.  They hit it off and soon found themselves in one of those ‘by-the-hour’ cabins.  I won’t give you the intimate details, but they were using poppers.”

“Poppers?”

“Come on, you know what they are.”

“You’re forgetting I was raised on a ranch.”

“Well, you are into mushrooms in sheep shit, right?”

“Funny.”

“A popper, lad, is also called amyl nitrate.  It’s an inhalant that prolongs and intensifies an orgasm.  Anyway, back to the story.  My unnamed friend said he wasn’t sure if it was the poppers, the coke, the drinks – or all three, but his partner in this affair began to talk as if he were on truth serum.  The simple question, ‘What do you do?’ got quite a response.”

“What is this leading to?  End the suspense.”

“I’m getting there.  This ‘tourist’ turned out to be an undercover agent for the DEA, the hypocrite.  My friend said he should have suspected something, because he did look like one of those straight-arrow feds.  He wasn’t out here to bust anybody, he was in Guerneville on his night off.  He told my friend he was up from LA to work a sting on some of ‘those pot farmers’ around here.  The exact location he named was your valley.”

“Do you think I’m growing pot between rows of my chardonnay vines?”

“No, not you, but what about that space-cadet brother of yours, your business partner.”

“Tobie?  Are you serious?  Do you know how much trouble it is to grow enough plants to catch the eye of the Drug Enforcement Administration?  If Tobie tried to grow ten plants they’d be dead in a week from neglect.”

“You’re probably right.  It’s just that my friend remembered his partner saying one thing that was a bit disconcerting.”

“Yes?”

“He said that he mumbled something about how they were going to nab themselves one of the big boys.  And your family has the largest ranch in your valley, right?”

“Yes.  But he must have meant the biggest pot grower.  Come on Shaun.  Tobie and The Insect partners in crime?  Those two on the ten most-wanted list of the DEA?  They couldn’t scheme their way out of a paper bag.  Forget it.”

“I guess so.  But you might want to alert any of your neighbors who might be trying to supplement their income.”

“I’ve got no idea who that’d be.”

The two friends reached the entrance to the park and their cars.

“Shaun, I wonder if living in isolation on the coast hasn’t given you cabin fever – a mild case of paranoia.”

“Could be.”

“Have you ever seen that DEA man again?”

“Of course not!” Shaun paused, seeing the trap a second too late.  “Ah, very clever.  You should have been a Red baiter.”

Bobby unlocked his car door and looked to Shaun.

“I can’t tell you how much fun today was.  I had a great time.”

“Same here.  Let’s not wait so long next time.”

“I’ll have you out to the ranch in a couple of weeks.  Tell Amelie I enjoyed meeting her, and I’ll hug her again anytime – under different circumstances.”

“I will.”

“There’s one thing I’ve been meaning to ask you.  What was she shouting when I was falling down the cliff today?  I meant to ask you that earlier.”

“It was French.”

“Of course it was.  What did she say?”

“A quote?”

“Yes.”

“She said, ‘Help him, save him, he’s dying.’”

Chapter 26: Guerneville

Posted in zin sins Part Two: False Hope with tags on February 16, 2010 by zinsins

 

Shaun loaded up a day pack with two loaves of French bread and a bottle of rare, old pinot noir from a winery not far from Guerneville.  Before the two hopped in their cars for the winding drive inland to the redwood park, Shaun told Bobby to stop in Guerneville so they could grab a block of cheese.  The town was nestled five miles downstream from the upland redwood grove.

When Bobby reached Guerneville and the small health food store tucked into part of the town’s commercial district, Shaun was emerging from the store.

“I didn’t know this was going to be a road rally to the redwoods.”

“I know that stretch of road like the back of my hand.  Ready to go?”

“I want to run in and get a mineral water.”

“Meet you at the park.  I’ll have everything ready.”

Bobby came out of the store, his bottle of mint-flavored geyser water in hand.  When he threw back his head to pour the cold, sparkling water down his throat, he saw one of Guerneville’s firefighters high up on the utility company’s cherry picker.  The fireman was carefully placing one of several dozen Christmas decorations on a light pole.  Bobby gazed at the little ceremony, then walked across the street to join a group of bystanders whose attention had been drawn to the rite.  At the base of the pole an elderly woman was placing a wooden sign naming the civic organization responsible for the decoration.  The decoration wasn’t one of those sets of red and white lighted plastic bells that adorn many of urban America’s main streets, for it was of nature, the top of a local fir tree that had been trimmed and decorated by a local group.  Bobby looked down the street at the other decorations.  The ornaments were clusters of wild holly berries, or small bells and stars shaped from tin foil, or red bows tied into interesting shapes.  Each decoration was different, each unique.

Bobby’s gaze was diverted by the singing of carolers down the street in front of the town’s bookstore.  It so contradicted Bobby’s conceptualization of this odd little town – carolers in Guerneville? – that he found himself drawn to the music like a magnet.  Bobby joined the multitude gathered to hear a band of twelve disciples from a local church sing what were for him the first Holiday carols of the season.

In the group of a dozen singers was what he believed to be the perfect cross-section of that crazy town.  There was the choral director, a woman in a rust-colored, double-knit pantsuit, who would have had white hair except that she dyed it red.  From her animated way of playing the guitar while she cajoled her group to belt out another verse, it seemed obvious to Bobby that she was the aging third-grade teacher at the Guerneville school.  He could be wrong.

In the choral group were the other slices of the Guerneville pie.  There was the young earthy woman in homemade clothes, with no make-up on and a cute baby in her stroller, representing many of the women who had created homes and families up in the surrounding isolated forest hills.  There was the short, white-haired grandmother, hair pulled back tightly in a bun held by a band of real holly berries, who reminded Bobby of a smaller version of his late grandmother.  There was the heavy-set Chicano woman in an authentic peasant dress who strummed along on her family-heirloom guitar.

And there was the rather ordinary middle-aged man with moustache, one of those big, bushy moustaches that so many men who have them hide behind, whom Bobby hypothesized was one of the many who escaped The City by being washed up on the shores of the town beach.  There were the two gays with the required close-cropped hair, obviously partners, who must have enjoyed church as youngsters when they grew up in a small town like Wally and The Beave’s, but who had fled to The City to avoid the fate of leading a double life – or half a life.  Then they discovered Guerneville with its pace so much slower than that of The City, and it became the substitute for the hometowns they had left.  The shorter of the two, the Jerry-Mathers look-alike, sang with an unmatched, uncapped effervescence, as if he hadn’t sung Christmas carols for some time.

Bobby turned and looked at the faces of the audience.  There were more canyon ladies, in town to make their sporadic forays for essential food items that they couldn’t grow up on the hills.  Their babies were held tight to their breasts in canvas papooses.  At their sides were their bearded and spectacled husbands, escaped physicists or some such, with their hands callous from chopping wood for their cast-iron stoves.

Bobby examined the people on the periphery of the crowd.  There was a portly red-faced man with a neat Van Dyke beard and in his grip were the handlebars of an ancient bright-red bicycle.  Far behind the man, alone, was an attractive woman leaning against an old VW, her chin resting on its discolored roof.  Unknown to Bobby, she was the woman who ran the herb and stationary shop out of the tiny house behind the hardware store.  She held her place well behind the rest of the audience, and on her face was the most distant smile Bobby had ever seen.  He wondered what was going through that mind:  Were they clear thoughts of childhood – as virgin as her clear, makeup-free complexion – or were they muddled as she tried to reason how those naïve childhood days of Christmas bliss could have faded into such obscure memories?  No matter what, she appeared to be on the verge of tears, causing Bobby to continue his secret study of her.

He wondered if she wished for a return to those simple days of adolescence when she would bake Christmas cookies with her mother as they listened to the Perry Como Singers harmonize on those same tunes.  Or was she sad because of all the unfortunate experiences that had occurred in the post-adolescent years, those years when the growing pains were almost unbearable, when life suddenly became so complicated as to be unthinkable, and how those events were like fallen trees now that blocked her from ever returning to the days when she was a happy, albeit naïve suburban child in LA or St.  Louis or wherever?  If only he could see into her mind and live just that fraction of her life that she was flashing before her eyes, then he would surely be able to cry with her, or hold her as she released those feelings that only she knew about.  But he knew that her sharing with him what she was reliving was not meant to be; he just couldn’t walk up to her and say, “Explain.”  So he removed his eyes from her and looked above the decorations and Main Street and up into the ever-present hills. 

It was a brisk, cool afternoon by then, and low, pink patches of fog were moving in from the west.  Sunset was still more than two hours off, yet the sun already had hidden itself behind a redwood-lined ridge of one of the hills that stood over Guerneville and made it such a reclusive, odd little speck on the earth.  As he walked back to his car, he tried to pigeon-hole the scene in his memory.  He momentarily stopped and turned for a final look at the carolers.  He was being serenaded with the song, “Oh Little Town of Bethlehem.”  He felt very warm inside.  And the thought occurred to him:  Living back here in The Valley on the ranch, first at Daniel’s place and now alone in Janie’s house, he had turned into something of a recluse.  He hadn’t had a television in his home since his move back, so he hadn’t seen the Budweiser beer wagon being pulled through the snow by Clydesdales once that holiday season.  Yet to him as he stood there on the sidewalk in Guerneville, it still felt – perhaps it had never felt – so much like Christmas.

Chapter 25: A Picnic by the Sea

Posted in zin sins Part Two: False Hope on February 11, 2010 by zinsins

Shaun packed their lunch in a wicker basket that Amelie had bought for just such an occasion.  Bobby brought in two cases of the new release of “Jeremy Barnes Vineyard” chardonnay produced by The Winery.  A bottle was iced down in a plastic bucket, the car was loaded, and they were off.

Ten minutes later, Shaun whipped his ancient convertible into a turn-out by the winding coastal road.  With Shaun leading, the three plunged into the dense forest of pine and occasional redwood.  The woods shrouded a steep ravine as it fell from the coast hills to the sea.  Two hundred yards down the creek bed they heard a rushing sound, not of the surf, but of a waterfall.  The canopy and brush parted, revealing a granite chute over which a small stream cascaded.  Thirty feet below, a quiet pool momentarily collected the water before sending it on its final rendezvous with the sea.  Beside the pond was a flat carpet of sun-drenched grass.  And providing an almost vertical backdrop to this idyllic setting was a steep, curved embankment covered with four-foot high ferns.

Amelie and Bobby knew immediately that this was Shaun’s chosen spot for their picnic.  They set up camp on a wool blanket spread on the damp grass.  From his vantage point, Bobby could look down the falling stream that again was covered by the converging trees.  But Bobby also could see a tiny opening in the trees above the stream, and through it the vivid blue and white of the moving surf.  Overhead, the sun blazed in a brilliant azure wash.  Already it had begun to take up its winter residence in the southern sky, and the light it radiated gave a warm, golden tint to the surroundings.

The first late-autumn storm of the season had blown through three days earlier, cleansing the ferns and combing the trees of their dead needles.  The bare patches of ground now held that rust-colored cover of needles, providing a natural complement to the lush green tones of the ferns and grass.  And the norther had left in its wake incredibly clear skies, strong surf, and a faint wind.  The breeze would rise intermittently and cause an eerie “swoosh” sound as it flowed through the needles of the overhead trees.  Every few minutes a redwood would sway in the wind, emitting a slow resonant creak, a sound akin to that made by opening the heavy door of an ancient crypt.  The sound wasn’t at all frightening to Bobby; instead he found it perversely soothing.

Bobby checked his breathing and realized that it was heavy.  He was subconsciously taking slow, deep breaths so the rich ocean air could linger in his lungs.  He turned his attention to the data being processed by his olfactory sense.  The virgin air was crisp and clean, having traveled across over the Northern Pacific before filtering through the spicy trees; it made him incredibly hungry.

Shaun took the sandwiches from the wicker basket and divided them.  Amelie removed the crystal glasses from their wrappings of table linen, and Bobby opened the bottle of wine.  Shaun had prepared turkey sandwiches for the three.  Inside of Amelie’s sourdough rolls were turkey breast, cream cheese and cranberry sauce.  And on their plates were French-fried sweet potatoes.  Bobby wasn’t sure if the setting or the sea air was responsible; but the ingredients blended together to make the simple meal into an incredible sensory experience.

“This sandwich is excellent.  It reminds me of Thanksgiving dinner,” Bobby commented.

Shaun raised his glass.  “Then we’ll toast to the memories of that first Thanksgiving dinner you and I spent together with your family years ago at your ranch.”

“To Thanksgiving.”

“And reunions.”

The three held up their glasses and the etched diamond pattern of the crystal stemware sparkled in the sun.  The warm fall sunrays made the chardonnay appear even more golden than it was.
Wonderful wine, Bobby.”

“It’s a special bottling from a small vineyard that the winemaker kept separate.  Extra oak-time and bottle-age before release.  It represents the last harvest of Jeremy Barnes.  It is special.”

“Yes, it should be.”

“Stan Bergen gave the unpressed juice six extra hours of skin-contact time because the fruit was in such good condition.  We began picking the vineyard – the one right behind the house – at five-thirty on an unusually cold morning.  When we dumped the gondolas at The Winery the juice was 48 degrees.  Even the smell from the crusher told us we had a great wine.”

Amelie had been quiet through the meal, but finally she volunteered her opinion.

“Bobby, what is so appealing about your wine is that it is such a perfect complement to food.  It is rich, yet crisp.  The taste is so intense that to take a sip clears – awakens – my palate.  The wine makes each bite of food taste as if it were the first.”

Bobby looked at Amelie for a long moment before he replied.  “That’s one of the best descriptions I’ve ever heard for my father’s wine.”

Amelie blushed and looked away.

Shaun stood up, ending the awkward moment.  “What do you say we all hike down to the beach for a bit?  And on such a perfect, warm day I vote on making the trek au natural.”

Before Bobby could respond, Shaun had begun undressing.  And despite her verbal shyness, Amelie quickly followed Shaun’s cue.  Wearing only their shoes and socks, the three trudged down aong the tiny creek bed, having stashed their clothes near the pool.  Halfway down, the pines made their final stand against the forces of the wind and sea.  The creek opened upon a stark ravine separating two grass-covered knolls, both dotted with grazing sheep.

Shaun stopped suddenly and, mimicking the guide of an Audubon bird watch, signaled for his companions to carefully approach.  He was crouched over a small pile of excrement obviously left by the nearby sheep.  He pointed at several tiny orange objects protruding from the sides of the mass.

“Do you know what these are?”  Shaun asked as he plucked out three of them and held one out for Bobby.

“Um – orange-flavored truffles?”

“Close.  They’re psilocybin mushrooms.  Magic mushrooms.  They pop out of sheep shit a few days after a rain.”

“How do you know they’re not poisonous?”

“I knew someone in Guerneville with a picture book about them.  He was a ‘collector’ and told me what exactly to look for in the perfect ‘shroom.  Try one.”

Shaun popped one in his mouth and gave one to Bobby.

“Are you sure about this?” Bobby asked.  “What will they do?”

“One little one will only cause a mild sensation.  An increased awareness.  Any effects will wear off before we leave.  Trust me.”

Bobby put the tiny cap in his mouth and swallowed.  The taste was horrible.

“Amelie?”

“Perhaps one of us should refrain, Shaun.  That way I could call the Coast Guard and they could send out the big helicopter to save you two.”

“Amelie, trust me.”

She held the mushroom to her lips and flashed a pleading look to Bobby.  He hoped she knew Juliet’s death speech in case this became a very poignant moment.  Stoically, she put it in her mouth.

The three adventurers clambered down several large boulders and found themselves on the beach.  Only a small trickle dug a shallow canal through the sand to meet the surging salt water; most of the stream fled underground for a private reunion with the sea.

Shaun had begun walking up the beach to search for abalone and sea anemones in a protected cover hidden behind a solitary land mass – a flat-topped, steep-cliffed peninsula connected to the headlands by a narrow land bridge.  Amelie had paused and bent down to watch the slender stream race down the beach.  Bobby approached and knelt beside her.

“Bobby, do you comprehend the significance of this little scene?’

“And what’s that?”

“We are watching the fulfillment of the life of every raindrop, the realized potential of every stream and river.  We are seeing the moment of procreation for the major ingredient of our planet.”

“Yes, it’s beautiful.  You certainly have an excellent command of the language.”

“My mother was an American.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“That she’s deceased.”

“She’s not.  She revoked her citizenship.”

“Were you raised in America?”

“No.  France.”

“How did you come here?”

“I came over to work.  I married and stayed.”

“Here on the coast?”

“No, in New Orleans.”

“And then you came here?”

“Yes.”

From the inflection in her voice, Bobby could tell he was approaching too close.  He rose and began to walk in the direction of Shaun.  Amelie stood and scurried up so that she could walk beside him.  Together they combed the beach for shells, pausing to examine driftwood and sand dollars and the blooms of the succulent plants clinging to the cliffs buttressing the narrow beach.

Eventually Amelie drifted away from him, and the three were each in their own little world.  Shaun was far ahead in the protected inlet created by the sea butte rising out of the ocean thirty yards off shore.  The short walk and the sea air had tired Bobby and he found a dry patch of sand on a wind-whipped berm.  He sat down and assumed a cross-legged position facing the surf.  Amelie had spotted a flat granite rock jutting out of the sheltered, complacent water only a few yards from the shore.  She stepped out through the chilly water and climbed atop it.  She lay prone, gathering the warmth of the sun.

Bobby closed his eyes and for the first time perceived the effects of the orange mushroom.  Listening to his surroundings, he concentrated his hearing on a small spring gurgling out of the cliff at his back.  He focused forward to the sound of the water splashing around the protected rock on which Amelie sat, then still further out to the roar of the omnipresent surf.  Manipulating his mind without moving his body, he changed the plane of focus from horizontal to vertical, as a studio photographer would by tilting forward the lens plate of a view camera.  First he focused at ground level and listened to the buzz of the sand flies in the clumps of kelp and sea grass strewn at his feet.  At head high, he could hear the light breeze whip past him, the sound reminiscent of the flapping of an unsheeted jib.  At thirty feet above sea level he heard the piercing cry of an osprey and the roar of the surf as it was carried by gusts over the cliff.  At infinity, directly above his head, he heard the faint rumble of what must have been a silver speck, a distant jet as it began its descent into The City.

How odd, he thought, to be able to choose what I want to hear.  To be able to focus on a sound, examine it, turn it around in my mind.  A piece of fungi growing in sheep shit can do all that?

Bobby opened his eyes.  Directly in his field of view was Amelie lying on her rock intently watching a tiny sea animal in a pool carved into the rock’s base.  Her pose reminded him of the fairy in Stars, a Maxfield Parish poster.  The late-fall sun backlit her body, creating a halo – a golden radiation around her.  For the first time he appraised her in her nakedness.  She had a stunning figure.  He had no idea how old she was.  She was one of those rare women who are ageless between the years of 20 and 35.  She wasn’t what he would call thin, but she was firm, athletic.  Her healthy tan told Bobby she sun-bathed nude at her home that was behind the first ridge, sheltered from the summer fog.

Bobby was beginning to realize the beauty of what lay before him.  Two hues dominated the scene.  The azure sky with brush strokes of high cirrus blended into the deeper blues of the North Pacific.  Contrasting the backdrop were the intruding earth tones:  the dark brown of the rock, the deep tan shades of Amelie, the golden reflection of her skin exposed to the sun.  The colors were intense, almost gaudy.

He felt the scene could not be improved upon, that he beheld perfection, but then his eyes darted left to observe a flock of a dozen brown pelicans lumbering into view.  They flew in a perfect “V” formation behind Amelie, further out to sea.  From his view they were between her and the brush-stroked clouds.  Just as Bobby composed himself to record this moment, as the pelicans approached above and to the left of Amelie, a mischievous wave hit the base of her rock and sent a white plume – a fan – of spray into the air, a translucent sheet behind her.

“Click,” he whispered, and he quickly shut his eyes.  It took a minute to develop and fix in his mind the image he had projected on his mental picture screen.  It was, he thought, an award-winning photograph that he alone could savor and never have taken from him.

After what seemed an eternity Bobby felt a shadow pass by.  He opened his eyes to see Shaun looking down at him, the sun blazing around his silhouette.

“Hey, guru, let’s go explore.”

“What?”

“Let’s go climb up the cliff of that island and see what’s on la mesa.”

“How do we get out there?”

“We’ll hug the beach out and find a trail up the cliff.”

“And if the tide comes in?”

“We can walk back over that land bridge.”

Bobby pulled out of his trance and followed Shaun.

“Amelie!  Come hike out to the island with us!”

“No, go ahead you two.  I’ll meet you on top of the headland in a bit.”

Bobby contemplated their little adventure.  The island was a plug of granite that rose high above the surf thirty yards from the shore.  It wasn’t a true island, for a narrow column of clay connected it with the mainland.  The eroding land bridge rose fifty feet above the rock-strewn beach that was exposed only at low tide, and the tide was out as Bobby and Shaun hiked over to examine what in a few more seasons of winter storms would be a completely isolated island.  Shaun found a narrow path leading upward, and after a strenuous climb the two were on the flat parcel of earth sixty feet above the sea.  They were amazed at the amount of bird life on the budding refuge.  Dozens of oystercatchers and cormorants and petrels had built nests in crags of rock or in the low bushes on its flat top.  Bobby found an empty nest on the ground and studied it until two birds appeared, creating an intense commotion.

“Bobby, we ought to be getting back soon.  Amelie has to bake the pastry shells for tomorrow and we still have the real hike on our agenda.”

Bobby looked across the land bridge to Amelie, who had climbed up from the beach onto the mainland cliff.

“Are we going to have to climb all the way back down and up again?”

“No.  We’ll take the land bridge over since she’s already up there.”

“Are you sure we can cross that?  It looks pretty narrow.”

“I was out here last spring and saw some hikers crossing it with backpacks.  We can make it.  Trust me.”

Shaun led the way.  The land bridge was an eroding umbilical cord between the receding mother cliff and the defiant child island.  The cord was nothing more than a ridge – a long, pinnacle-like band of soft dirt that, with a few more tempestuous assaults, would crumble and wash away.  Shaun crawled a dozen feet down the island cliff to begin the walk across the path.  Bobby followed.  Shaun stepped lightly and quickly over the roller-coaster, foot-wide path – a thirty-yard trek between the outpost and the safety of the waiting Amelie.  Bobby hurried to keep up with Shaun, who was intent on making the crossing as quickly as possible.  Bobby riveted his attention on the tennis shoes of Shaun, for he felt no desire to see the boulders scattered on the beach fifty feet below; he had never been completely comfortable with heights.  Bobby, who at first was relieved that he had on his hiking boots, realized that this precipice was more for a mountain goat – or a 150-pound man in tennis shoes – than himself.  Bobby also noticed that what he thought was an optical illusion – that the path maintained its width, it only appeared to converge in the distance – was not true; it really was becoming narrower.

Shaun had begun to slow his pace and be more careful in placing his feet.  He turned his head slightly, and without taking his eyes off the path, spoke from the side of his mouth. 

“This isn’t quite what I expected, Lewis.”

Bobby took his cue.  “Right you are, Clark.”

The inverted “V” on which they trod was not made of granite or sandstone as were the island and cliff.  It was made of crumbling clay and bits of rock that had withstood the forces of erosion only because of the protection offered by the sheltering island.  Bobby had begun to notice that chunks of dirt on the edge of the eight-inch path beneath them were giving way and dropping out of sight down the almost vertical bank of the ridge.  Bobby lifted his eyes momentarily and saw Amelie watching them from the cliff twenty yards ahead.  Her expression he caught in that instant was not so much one of disdain at their attempting this foolish escapade, but of resignation; boys will be boys.

Shaun quickened his pace, apparently realizing that to dwell at a particular spot on the path was dangerous, for the sustained weight on the weakened clay-dirt soaked in the rains earlier that week could cause a sudden landslide.

Bobby felt a minor tremor under his feet and looked ahead to see the patch of ground under Shaun shift.  Shaun paused in a moment of disorientation.  Realizing his predicament, he bound like a gazelle the final half-dozen yards to the safety of the opposite cliff.  In his wild flight, Shaun had begun to veer to his left.  Only his forward momentum and the nearness of the cliff kept him from plunging down its face to the rocks below.

Bobby had paused when Shaun faltered under the landslide, and suddenly he felt the earth at his feet begin to let go.  Bobby leapt face forward onto the spine of rock and clay and dug his hands into the dirt, his face pressing against its back.  He was riding the cliff as a child would ride an old nag bareback.   He looked up and over to Shaun and Amelie, both kneeling in the asylum of the cliff twenty feet away.

“Come on!  Move it, Bobby!  Before it gives way!”

“Hurry!  Please hurry!” Amelie pleaded.

Bobby began to inch forward; it was impossible to turn around and flee back to the island.  He put his hands forward and placed his weight upon them and dragged his body over the dirt and rock.  He gave a second’s though to his situation.  Here was Bobby Barnes, a grown person in charge of one of the best vineyards in the world, dragging his exposed genitals across a pinnacle of sharp stones and dirt clods.  He wondered how he got himself into these situations.  A small, involuntary laugh escaped as he continued to pull ahead.  Shaun and Amelie glanced at each other in wonder.

Ten feet from the open arms of Amelie and Shaun, Bobby felt his support crumble and give way.  He could feel his feet seem to come together beneath him where the dirt had eroded and fallen away.  In slow motion, as chunks of rock slipped away, Bobby began to sink.  He looked up at the two, their arms outstretched, on their faces the look of useless non-swimmers watching a child drown in the surf.  In that moment he felt a pang of guilt for upsetting Amelie and Shaun, for ruining their day.  In a perverse attempt to cheer them up he raised an arm bronco-rider style and let out a half-hearted “yee-ha!” – an interesting response for a man in the throes of death, but not original; Slim Pickens had used the line when he rode the A-Bomb down in Dr. Strangelove.

As chunks of earth fell away under one cheek of his ass and then the other, Bobby leaned from side to side to keep from being thrown off his natural saddle.  Eight feet down and a ton of fallen dirt later Bobby’s ride stopped.  He now appeared as a naked baby on an outrageously sway-backed Trojan horse.  He looked up to the two and smiled.  Amelie was hysterical.

“Shaun!  Aidez-le!  Sauvez-le!  Il se meurte!”

“Bobby, don’t move!  I’m going to run back to the car and flag down someone with a rope and call the Sheriff.  The Coast Guard!  They can get you off there in their helicopter.”

Shaun began to step back from the cliff.  In a determined voice Bobby answered, “No!  Shit no!  Stay here.  I’m either going to be on that cliff or on the beach by the time you get half-way there.  Just get ready to grab me if I make it up.”

Shaun knelt down.  Bobby went to work digging steps in the perpendicular wall on which he sat.  Intermittent small slides caused him to pause in his digging.  He was able to push and punch against parts of the weakened dirt, sending it careening off the ridge, making him wonder how he ever made it that far in the first place.  Slowly he raised himself up on his man-made steps, dragging his naked scrotum up and over the narrow blocks of ground.  Bobby wondered if he’d be charged with self-abuse if he made it out off this alive.

Soon he was only six feet out and three feet down from his companions.  He could almost reach up and touch Shaun’s outstretched hand.  He continued to dig his crude steps until his fingernails hit a large rock mortared into the dirt.

“Shaun, I’m going to try and put a foot on this rock and make a leap for it.  I’ll grab your hand.  You pull me up as hard as you can.  Got it?”

“Yes.  Be careful.”

Shaun had Amelie anchor his legs by sitting on them.  Bobby made his final preparations.

“Are we ready?”

“Yes.”

Bobby quickly knelt up, planted a foot on the rock, grabbed Shaun’s hand and pushed off of his primitive step.  The dirt at his feet gave way, but for an instant provided the support needed for him to spring up off the stone.  With Herculean strength, Shaun catapulted Bobby over his shoulder – into the open arms of Amelie.  She hugged him as a mother would her child, his dirty face at her naked breast, her soft hand stroking his disheveled hair.

“You little boy.  You stupid little boy.”

The import of his predicament began to sink in.  Bobby held her tightly and hoped never to let go.

 “Why did you do it?”  She said, including Shaun in her scolding.  “You fools.  Did you have to prove you were men?”

Bobby pulled away from Amelie and stood up.  His legs wobbled beneath him.

“Are you alright?” she asked.

“I think so.  I, I only followed Shaun because he said we could make it.  I always trust him.  Why not now?”

Bobby took stock of his body.  He was covered with gray dirt.  He looked down and noticed dozens of bright-red superficial cuts and scratches on his penis and scrotum and inner thighs.

“I’ve failed in my attempt at self-mutilation.”

“You’re sick, Bobby,” Shaun mumbled.

“If you two will excuse me, I believe I’ll perform the ancient ritual of those who have battled and conquered the elements.  I’m going to go over there and take a piss into the wind off that cliff.”

Bobby hobbled off over a slight rise to find the privacy to relieve himself.  Amelie continued to scold her friend.

“Why did you take such a silly risk?  You could have been killed.”

“I don’t know,” Shaun said in a bewildered voice.  “It didn’t seem dangerous at first and then we couldn’t turn back.  I’m sorry I did it.”

Amelie accepted his apology by changing the subject.

“Shaun, have you ever seen one so close to death, yet so calm as him?  He – he was laughing and joking when he began to slide down.  If what I saw was bravery or heroic resignation, then it is all so stupid.  A waste.”

“I don’t think what we saw was bravery, Shaun replied, pausing as Bobby returned.

Bobby strolled toward them.  His body was still grimy from the ordeal but his attitude had changed to one of nonchalance, as if it never had happened.

“I have an idea.  Let’s celebrate the joy of living by holding hands and running through this meadow.  It’ll be a good way to release some of the stress.”

Amelie took Bobby’s suggestion and grabbed her children in each hand.  The three ran across the green oceanside pasture, scattering the puzzled sheep in their path.  Amelie sang her babies a French children’s song until they reached the place where their little stream emerged from the trees for its final sprint to the sea.

They were a short distance from the pond when Shaun raised his hand and crouched down.

“What is it?”

“I hear someone up at our camp.  Our clothes are up there.  Stay quiet and keep down.”

The three crept along the stream toward the clearing.  Amelie acted as if she were a member of the Hmong Hill tribe on the hunt for a rabid tiger.  Bobby acted as if he felt very naked.

Shaun hugged the bank and stopped in the safety of tall ferns at the edge of the pool.  He pulled back on a giant frond.  The intruders were three deer:  a six-point buck and two does.  The does fed on the grass while the buck kept watch.

The ferns, the deer, and the falls together made the scene appear prehistoric, pre-man.  The three were speechless.  They remained motionless for a long time.  Bobby glanced at Amelie and noticed a single tear sliding slowly down her cheek.  From their perspective below looking up toward the glen, the image was reminiscent of a Minor White photograph.  But from up in the trees looking down on both the deer and the human spies, the sight was comical.  For there were the three people, naked but for their shoes and socks, observing the deer from their hiding place behind the ferns.  The deer, unaware of their visitors, continued their picnic on the lush grass just a few feet from the blanket and wicker basket.  The picture was a cartoon – if  it had been painted by Courbet.

Slowly the deer wandered off up the fern bank.  The humans invaded the glen bathing briefly in the pond before they put on their encumbrances and broke camp.  No one said a word.  The sight had such a lasting impression on the three that the incident at the cliff seemed to be a day-old memory.

By the time they arrived at the car after their climb upstream, the fog bank that lingered offshore had crept close enough to send its white fingers inland over the coastal road.

At the end of their drive back Shaun performed his patented skid in the gravel drive of the café.  They piled out and trudged inside for hot coffee.  From the same window he had peered out at the sea earlier that day, Bobby gazed at a gray blanket of fog rolling up over the cliff and into the garden.  Amelie’s children, glowing in the muted light, appeared so different, yet still as beautiful as ever.  Shaun brought each of them an espresso and revealed his plan for the rest of the day.

“Are you still up to a trek in the redwoods?  With this fog rolling in it will be an unbelievable sunset up there.  Amelie?”

“I’d love to, Shaun, but I have so much to do for tomorrow.  You two go ahead.”

“Bobby?”

“If you promise it won’t be a exciting as our last Great Adventure, I suppose I’m up to it.  I get out this way so little.  I always forget how beautiful it is.”

“I remember something an old beachcomber told me a couple of months ago:  To live fifty miles from the ocean is to live a thousand.  I suppose there’s something to that.”

“You bet there is.  Let’s go.”

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